Bitter

I could almost class this as the perfect day? A lie in this morning. A visit to my old dad. Then Dog Sitting. Well I say sitting. I went to collect my partners Mum's dog as they had gone on a Girls Brigade SAS survival Course (eating worms and jumping over things). I took the Dog to a massive park with the intentions of a long walk on a beautiful day, followed by lunch at the Park cafe. Part one went ok, but covered in mud up to my knees and dog poo on my hands I arrived at the cafe. Problem was, that I could not go inside and had to shout my order through the open door? Now wearing my 'Invictus' hat and covered in mud with a growling dog beside me, it was a wonder I got served at all. The next delicate matter was how to eat a sandwich, knowing what might be on my hands? I managed it, by holding the paper plate up and sliding the sarnie into my mouth. This also drew disapproving looks from the other dog walking diners. They,no doubt,did not mind a bit of the old hound faeces on their hands, as they munched away at their bacon baps. The other problem was how to eat and drink whilst holding the dogs lead with one hand. Of course I solved this by putting the lead under the chair I was sitting on. This worked fine until an irresponsible owner (see getting the hang of it) walked past with his dog off the lead. Now,I have moved fast when I have spotted a female that I fancied, but not as fast as the dog I was looking after. It felt almost like Xmas again and santa on his sleigh, as my chair was dragged along the concrete patio by a randy Dog.. Now, covered in bacon, mud and coffee and tomato sauce, I made my excuses and left. The last part of the walk was best,as people like to come up and talk and stroke the Dog. One lady had a distinctive accent, which turned out to be German. I thought I would impress her with my basic command of the language. Apparently, when she translated what I had said, translated to, 'Good Day, would you like to come to a brothel with me and share a small beer'?? Surprisingly she was up for it, but as she was 95 I declined.
An eventful day and it has not stopped me wanting a dog of my own. I just looked at it, as a bit of an apprenticeship!!