Emma Roid

Bang, Crash, Thump, Cough, Rattle, Snore… A cacophony of noise, in a place you are supposed to be resting and getting better?? This was the scene that greeted me when I went to visit our poorly bone player. My God he is braver than me, as I would go round the bend. It just strengthened my case, as from behind a closed curtain; a doctor appeared after examining a patient. Sneezing away they went onto the next case. Outside each ward is an antiseptic hand dispenser…did they use it…nope. Our poor Trombone player has had a real rough ride and like a typical bloke, has suffered for ages in silence. He certainly is in the best place (despite being noisier than Cairo) and after spending ages trying to get through to the Doctor that he was poorly, should now get the treatment he deserves. It makes me so angry that it takes so long for the so-called caring professionals to realise that you are ill. If you manage to get past the doctors receptionist then you have done well. Then when you finally get to see the Doctor he will either give you a sick note. Penicillin or anti depressants cos that is the limit of there training. You have to drop to the floor before anything is done…..as did our bone player, just about. He is a great bloke and does not deserve what he is going through. Get well soon mate.

Tonight was the first outing of my new bone, playing lead. I was well pleased, as my first solo was Song of India and a very high top ‘C’ to start. Strange this and might not mean much to non-musicians. But, every Trombone I have had, I have struggled hitting a top ‘Ab’??? However on this new bone it is a breeze. Pay back, is that a top ‘C’ on third position (with me?) is almost impossible??? I really have to work on this, as the top C is my favourite note.

I may have mentioned, that I have a hat, that bears the logo ‘Invictus’ I was therefore extremely impressed tonight, that one of the audience had taken the time to research what it was all about. I have to say though, that if I was the poet that had written this great poem, I would have changed the penultimate line to ‘You are the Master of my Fate’ (not ‘I’)The ‘You’ being, whatever God you believe in. Because, trust me, we have no input as to what our fate may be. But we can be, master of our soul’s.

I used to throw a pillow on the floor and sit slumped in front of the fire to practice. I realised it was to low and so purchased a massive beanbag to sit on. This has had the opposite effect. As now, my head is almost on the ceiling. I have tried to make the bag smaller by bouncing up and down on it. But this has not done my old farmer giles any good at all!! I am assured, that the beans?? Inside will gradually settle and become smaller??? Unlike my dangly sore friends.

Gates

A mate of mine, has spent all his wages on Viagra!! Now he's really hard up.

The discussion on the Big Question this morning, was, is there life after death. I must admit this is a subject I have thought about many times. The main worry , is, how crowded it must be, wherever it is you go? Do dogs stay dogs when they pass away? If so, think of all the poop on the heavenly floor, since time began. You would be slipping and sliding around everywhere. However if there is life after death I would like to put in a request for a new stomach unit please. cos this one is really dodgy, and I ain't had a good time this weekend.

Busy week ahead and I am not looking forward to it one bit. Still, I haven't checked my Lottery yet, so who knows!!!! Well I do actually....

Feta up

I am not sure if it a rogue Gherkin or a rampant Olive, but boy the old tum is putting some complaints in?? I have spent most of the time whilst out shopping with my partner (she is look for her 72nd Handbag?) sitting, people watching. A fascinating pastime at the best of time. I don't know if it is me...but every one over 18, looks the same. The way they walk. The way they dress. The way they have their hair done. Even to the way they hold there mobile phones.....almost like Cheryl Cole Clones (try saying that fast). And the girls are just as bad!!!

One our Trombonists is in Hospital and we send him all our best to get well soon. He really has been in the wars these last few months, but us bone players are made of stern stuff so I am sure he will be fine. The last time I visited one of the Band in Hospital, i was still in Undertakers kit. he woke up to see me standing at the foot of the bed....he got well soon.

Don't think I will blow tonight. Mainly for health and safety issues.....

Double or Nothing

Every time I think that I have found the meaning of life.....they change it??

Watching Question Time last night and not sure if this is double standards or not? They were discussing the chap that had been sacked for making off air comments about a lines woman. However most of the audience thought it was over kill. On the panel was Edwina Currie (high standards this lady, just ask Mr Major) and the prog was live. She was appalled by the comments this chap made, but went on to call him, and I quote, 'A Fat Slob'??????? Has this Country gone totaly mad.
I tell you one thing. You will never find anything sexist on this site...;-)

I then went on to watch a Police Programme where the cameras follow every day life of Motorway and beat cops. It has taken me 6 months to save for a North Face Jacket, yet all the unemployed druggies/Criminals were wearing them!!!!! You work it out.

I think I poisoned myself last night. I bought a jar of Greek Salad and ever since eating it I have felt sick. I can't even think about it, without my tum turning yuk. Will I never learn, just to stick to bland food???

Weeeeeee!

The rogue traffic lights have now been disabled and I and 100s of other motorists must have shaved at least 20 minutes off our journey time. Now I don't take praise ,as it makes me feel un-comfy??? However, putting wrongs, right, is a little like losing bladder control while wearing black trousers! It gives you a warm feeling inside, but no one really notices ,except yourself?

Mind you I am a glutton for punishment, as me and a work mate are going to investigate the new burial fee's and the discrimination ,allegedly, against us? This could open a can of worms, so we need to be careful and handle the subject with kid gloves??? We are awaiting confirmation from another Funeral Company and then it could be showtime!!!

Still not sure about the new bone and will have a better idea on Sunday when I do my first solo on it??

People ask me how I keep my athletic body so trim!!! Well, I do 30 sit up's every morning. I know it does not sound much, but there are only so many times you can hit the Snooze button??

Go!!!!

Ah Gutten Tag Mein Damen and herren. Mein mit go to the foot of mein stairs. mein must eaten mein kopfe.Dasfone dis komen in dem post luft house box. Und mein ist gob smacked as ist ein misjudjment on mein part.

Ok I can't keep this up and I know it will drive one of my mates mad (madder!) The phone arrived and the poor guy had had a bad run with the post office and the Winter weather. So I have learned a lesson...don't jump to conclusions as bad feedback is not always bad???

A major triumph with the roadworks. After contacting the Highways Agency and local radio, a little man is coming down with a special screwdriver to put the lights right.. What I don't get is, why all the 100s of other Motorists could not have done something about it? To be fair, there was another chap on the radio that was as stressed as me. I have had enough of this 'Crusading' for a while as it is bloody tiring.

Played well last night, but then again it was second bone. I have yet to try a solo on the new one and that will be the telling point, I really think that this PC country has gone mad. the poor sports reporter who was sacked for making a comment off the air has been unfairly dismissed. What happened to this Countries sense of humour? The PC brigade are slowly destroying this kingdom and it's a bit like the road work people and the traffic lights...no one can see it???

Race This

And the Moron of the day award goes to.........ME!!!!

Thought I would save myself a bit of money by buying a new mobile, off Play.com. A seller had 97% feedback over 7 years trading. So I bought a phone. Within an hour of buying the site had e mailed me to say it had been sent registered post. Quick I thought???. Then I looked at the feedback, In their last 12 sales, 10 people never got their item and yet the money was taken. You could tell by the reaction of these ten poor souls that their e mails had not been replied too and they had lost their money (ok, you might get it back but it takes bloody ages) I too, have e mailed the seller but had no reply...

OK I am a pessimist, but I am making a bet now, that the phone will never get to me. If it does, then I will write the next blog completely in German. Watch this space.

My stress levels are well up as my journey to work is hell......

The pedestrian crossing just before the new island has been set to change every 30 seconds!!!! even if no one is using it. By the time it turns to green, traffic coming from the right, lights have changed to green and you can't get through??? No one working on the site has noticed, or should I say, doesn't give a damn. Ok, I have contacted the roads department, but as yet no reply...what a surprise.
I also found out today, that allegedly, burial fee's are going up by a massive 60%. However ethnic fee's are only rising by 3%. Apparently they feel discriminated against, allegedly, and so they will pay much less? I will check this out and keep you posted. If found to be correct, will I try to do anything about it.....guess?.

I went to a Horse race last weekend. The chap next to me nudged me and asked me if I would like the winner of the next race.
I said, no thanks, I don't think my garden is big enough!!!

Arghhhhh

Not many people know, but today is 'If it is going to go wrong, it will' day today.
I was only thinking over the weekend how useful my mobile phone is ,with it's great music player, camera and e mail facility. It also has a great alarm which I have relied on for the last 2 years and has never let me down. That is, until this morning.
My phone decided to commit suicide in the night and so I slumbered on....and...on...and on. Waking with a start, I realised I only had 30 minutes to get to work (quite easily until some numpty altered the timings of the traffic lights on the new roundabout) I leaped into my Funeral gear, deciding not to do my hair, and cleaned my teeth in the car. I also ate breakfast and sprayed with Old Spice!!!
With moments to spare, I pulled into the yard and straight away, was asked to move a body on stretcher. The stretcher collapsed and fell on my foot, causing me to utter the words 'Oh my, that stung'........ It went from bad to worse as the day went on and everyone suffered some sort of incident, that put them out. Having now sold my bone. I now have to buy a new phone. (The lord giveth and then kicks you in the nuts and takes it away!!!)

Fairly good rehearsal last night, although I could have spent hours on one piece, I realise how boring that can be after sitting in the practice room in Northern Ireland rehearsing the Light Cavalry Overture for 3 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!. The only frustrating thing, is I never really got to blow my new bone on lead parts properly. At the moment it is a love hate relationship but we will see how it goes.

Oh, and by the way. You must know that this is an unusual year being 2011. I mean on the st Jan 2011 it was 1111. On November 11th 2011 it will be 111111. Now....this is spooky. Take the year you were born and how old you are going to be this year and........ooooer mississ

Spring

Sometimes people have no sense of humour. I went to the shop this morning to buy a Sunday Roast for 1 (microwave edition) and it said £5 for 2? I asked the lady assistant How much for 1 and she said £3.
Ok I said, I will take the other one??? Not a hint of a smile?

I am having to Hoover the house a month early, as a lady is coming all the way from Yorkshire to pick up the Trombone she has bought? Oh the inconvenience lol.

Band Rehearsal tonight. I may have drawn the short straw to run it. It's always interesting, as if you take 4 different musicians, they all have their own idea of what a forte should sound like? It's then a complex issue to find a happy medium. (I once visited a happy medium and she laughed all the way through the sitting).

trois

Hooray, I sold one of my Trombones. The buyer has definitely got a bargain and is driving all the way from Yorkshire to collect it? Sad to see it go though as it has been on some good adventures with me.

Talking of sad. Unfortunately we have lost another member of the Big Band audience. His wife passed away a couple of years ago and I know they were very much in love. I think he just missed her so much. Our sincere condolences to all his Family.
If we come into this world being loved and we go out being loved, then the bit's in the middle do not matter.

Been out to a Garden centre today. I can't believe they have got Xmas decorations up for sale already!!!! it get s earlier ;-)

I was thinking in bed last night (what else is there to do??) that I have never had a 3 in a bed. Well technically that's not correct. The closest I ever came to that, was sleeping with a Schizophrenic.

By the way, it's ok to laugh during sex. just don't point, as it can ruin the moment.

Tetley

I watched a movie last night, that I had not seen since the 70s (when it was about 50p to watch a movie and the only 3d was the ice cream ladies chest size. Now the more observant will realise that I haven't got a clue what I am talking about here. I only know 3 ladies chest sizes. Small. Medium and Wey Hey!!!!!). It made such an impact on everyone in the Cinema, that at the end, they walked out in silence. The film was Soldier Blue and told the story of the American Cavalry massacring a peaceful Indian tribe. I wonder then, that as we get older, and have seen so many awful things, that's why the film did not make any impact on me at all this time???

A gang of house burglars were caught in the USA recently. They had stolen numerous items from a house, including a jar that they thought contained Cocaine!!! After snorting the powder and then getting caught, it turns out that they were not chasing the dragon, but snorting someones mortal remains that had recently been Cremated...nice I bet they though the drug had plenty of body!!!

A similar thing happened in the UK. A well meaning neighbour was looking after a poorly man. She went to make him some tea and when she took it up to him, he took one sip and spat it out. Where did you get the tea from he asked. From the Tea Caddy on the Mantelpiece she replied. that's not a Caddy it's my wife's Ash's in an urn???

Wilson

Fascinating programme about Hattie Jacques last night. It left me disliking her intensely though as I am also a big fan of John le Mesurier, and she treated him so badly. He loved her so much that he allowed her lover!!! to sleep under the same roof as them. Even though she slept with her boyfriend at night, he still adored her??????

Another Doctor been to examine a body this week, He did not use gloves!!! nor did he wash his hands after. I missed this chap as I usually shame them into using hand gel after. they look at me as though I have sworn at them? However, would you like to be examined straight after he handled a corpse???

My new brussel and chicken diet is playing havoc with the old IBS, not to mention the extra expense of burning incense sticks??? I will stick with it for a couple of weeks though.

Now to all you folk reading my Blog. This weekend, I want you all to do something for me. I want you to go into town. Go to the Body Shop. Stand in the middle of the floor and shout loudly 'I have already got one' Honest it will cheer you up.

Teasy Weasy

Last night I was on my Honeymoon. Now this is something that will never happen in my lifetime, but I was given some interesting facts by a fellow trombone player.

He reckons, that when you blow on a new Mouthpiece/Bone everything is peachy for a few days and then goes down hill fast. Otherwise known as 'The Honeymoon Period'

You see, I was quite pleased the way the new trombone blew last night (even though I had to go round and tell everyone it was new, as no one noticed) All my wrong notes sounded a lot more precise than usual and easier to get. To be serious though, I was quite chuffed, but as my colleague warned, I shouldn't take things for granted as a brick wall is usually hit just after. I can soon get a divorce though.

I don't know if I am getting a little cynical about life, but as I washed a perfectly clean dead bodies hair??? today. I began to wonder why, as they were being cremated. I could really get to grips with this, if the hair had been dirty and matted....but this was really clean????

I am convinced, that some people have not done enough in life for the person who has passed on and are trying to make up for it. If not, I still find it very strange and undignified to put a dead body through that??? Saying all this, the requests are always carried out to the full and with as much care as we can. But if people could stand with the undertaker whilst there loved one's were being dressed/ bouffanted then I am sure they would think twice.
Once again though, I must emphasise, that if it was the deceased last request, then I have absolutely no issue at all with it. If not, then I find it all very strange?

I can't believe my neighbours were knocking on my front door at 2.30am this morning. It's a good job I was up practicing my new Trombone....

It's not the size

Hooray, my new 'bone' arrived today. 4 days from ordering it arrived at the Funeral Home. Unfortunately I was not their to sign for it, so the office lady thought she was signing for a small coffin!!!

My it's small (no that's not my partner remarking again) and will take a lot of work to 'blow in'. The lads at work made me tootle a tune on it and I managed Danny Boy on a strange mouthpiece and an ice cold instrument, so there is hope? I have the patience of a slug and just know, that the first few fluffed notes and I will chuck it out the window (you ought to see my back garden, amidst the old mattresses and fridges there lies a bone graveyard) and the only problem really wrong with it, is the bloke on the end?
So tonight will be it's inorgrial...inorgrill....inogreeal......it's first outing!!! and I will have to be a bit more understanding and give it a chance (I hope the audiences do)

Just finished a book about War time London. A chap writes. That he knew War was going to break out soon, because he walked past Vera Lynn's house and heard her gargling!!

Gypsy in my soul

When poor old Gerry Rafferty passed on, he left a great piece of music behind called ‘Baker Street’ It always reminds me of some of my past when I hear it and especially the haunting sax solo. Turns out though, that the guy who played the solo, only got paid £27 and the cheque bounced. He also hated it as he thought he played flat?????

I think my DIY skills are getting better as I get older. It only took me 5 hours to fix up a flat pack bookcase yesterday. It works fine, as long as I don’t put more than one book on the shelf.

I thoroughly enjoyed Band last nigh as everyone was on form? I even enjoyed my own playing for a change??

Today I was sent on a Travellers Funeral. What a close knit community they are, and it seems everyone turns out to pay their respects.

I caught the Trumpet player counting his money last night. I think he may have dropped a penny so we closed all the doors and let no one out.

I can't make out the photo above. It would seem that we had no audience so we played to the bushes instead. Prince Charles would have been mighty impressed.

You know, the only trouble with reality, is the lack of background music.

Banarnia

3D Cinema is the new kid on the block, in the ever-changing world of technology.

Of course, with this comes a price.

Normally to get in my local flicks it would cost about seven quid. However because it is 3D the price went up to £9.60.

Only it does not stop there. They stick on an extra quid. Because it’s 3D ,but you cant experience the 3D.unless you buy 3D glasses!!!!!!!!!!

So after paying out a massive £10.60p and also buying a small bag of minstrels each (2 in a bag) and a bottle of water with 2 straws, we had to contact our financial advisor.

While my partner went to the toilet and before we got into the Cinema, I tried my 3D glasses on. It was brilliant. I could see everything in the corridor in 3D. The vomit on the floor. The Graffiti on the walls and the urine flowing from under the toilet door. Then I realised that the world was in 3D anyway.

What a rip off.

To be fair, after we sat through 4 hours of trailers, some of the 3D scenes had you sitting back in the seats? I had to wear my own glasses plus the 3D ones so my eyes were probably a foot nearer the screen anyway.

(oh by the way, the picture above is in 3D so I am just getting my pounds worth?)

On a serious note, old C S Lewis knew what he was writing about when he created the world of Narnia. Very very close to God and Heaven if you study the sublime messages of the film. I have never read the books, but my partner has and the difference between the book and the film is, you can swat flies with the book.

Now a thought to end this blog.

There are apparently 3 type of people.

Those who make things happen

Those that watch things happen

And of course

Those that wonder what the hell happened/

Two Faced

New Trombone now on order. I am glad I cancelled the one from China as I would probably play even more 'wong' notes' Get it?

You may remember I left Face book because a numpty at work had got into my account and accepted some people as friends who i did not want to really get in contact with again. I closed the account, as i thought that was the only thing to do. it was therefore so nice that an old Army buddy rang me from Germany to ask why I had left and when i explained, he told me how I could rectify the situation. Sincere thanks to him and it's good to be in contact with the guys who I respected as friends in the Army. The photo above has turned up. They say every picture tells a story, but you would never guess that I was going through horrific turmoil at this time.

A chap at work was watching a magic trip on his phone via You Tube. I love film music and the track behind the trick really caught my attention. I asked him for the link and watched it myself when I got home. I managed to track down the poster of the video to the USA and asked him about the music. He had composed it himself and kindly sent me some of the tracks. I can’t believe this guy has not pushed his work as he has a fantastic talent. I hope my e mail spurs him on to greater things.

I have been to the job center to apply for a job . They asked me what I fancied. I replied that I would love to work in a Bowling Alley. They asked ‘Ten-Pin’? I said no permanent if possible??

Wok the heck

I have got so frustrated with the wait for my new bone, that I have chucked my rather over used teddy in the corner and cancelled the order!!!

The bone is still in China ,then has to be shipped to France and then to the UK??? I don't get why they had it on their web site, if it was not in stock??

However, I still have a cunning plan. When I was a lad (about 5 years ago) I started on a medium bore bone. then I went onto Large Bore in the Army. I am now playing Medium/Large. So am going to buy myself a medium bore next. It's cost me £7 pound more so I will need to go and have a lay down for a while.

See. Full circle.

Went shopping last night. I lost my partner in the massive hyper market. I went over to this attractive lady and asked if I could talk to her for a few moments. She said yes, but did I have any idea where my partner was' I replied 'No, but as soon as I start talking to a woman with superb breasts like yours, she always turns up!!!!

Jam

Those people who say, that little things don't bother them, have never slept in a room with a Mosquito.!!

Something little bothered me today. We were on a massive Funeral. The church has it's own car park, but shoppers and parents use it willy nilly (strange saying). So when they got back from the shops etc ,they all found there cars blocked in. Now this was a Catholic Funeral, so a long long service. Most took it in there stride. However one woman went ballistic and wanted to call the Police and have the Church evacuated. I politely told her where she could go and she went?
However another polite lady ,was very distraught because she had to pick her children up. So I let her use my phone to contact her husband, then me and my mate negotiated her through the parked cars. You see there is a way of going through life. If you rant and rave and sulk you will get nothing. But if you are polite and communicate, there is a good chance you will be helped. Here endeth the first lesson.

One of my work mates Mum passed away last night. We have her with us in the Chapel of rest. Always difficult when you know the person.

The old tooth is starting to hum again. No where near as bad,but it does need looking at. I would rather jump out of a plane again though, than go to the Dentist!!!

A great improvement in my Tinnitus (that ringing in ears) since using the audio stands. A couple of months down the line and they are worth all that money. We are still experimenting with the angle and height and when we have got it right they will not have to be altered.
It's took a bit of give and take with everyone, but a vast improvement and I think these stands will become more popular as the word spreads. It's amusing that the Council make there employees wear ear protectors whilst mowing the lawn at the Crem!!!! I was talking to a trombone player the other day and asked if the decibels bothered him.
He replied 'Not at all, as I am going deaf'!!!!!!!!!!

18th night

One word describes why this world has not reached it's full potential.
That word is 'Meetings'

I have had to change the font of this Blog so my poor mate can read it. I think it is the shadow from his wads of cash that are obscuring his view.

I keep seeing Xmas trees in folks windows still? I am assuming, as everyone seemed to have been ill over Chrimbo, that they are celebrating it now.

I was touched just before the Festive Holiday as a local church had asked for prayers to be tied to the Xmas tree. There were all sorts of pleas, asking for health and peace of mind. So today whilst sitting in the same church, I was rather disillusioned to find the prayer cards stuffed into an old tesco bag under a seat? Not much hope there then?

Good night last night at Band and a full house. I wimped out and went back to my old mouthpiece, but know I have got to give the other more time.

I have been trying to sell an old Trombone on e bay. despite 8 people watching it, no one bid?? I wonder what they were watching for???? Anyway, it is back on again as my new bone is still in China!!!

A bit of the old marching above. I actually enjoyed this sometimes although it was bloody hard work, especially when doing the displays.

Mush

I figure, that life, is a little like being in a Dog Sled team. If you are not the lead dog, then the view is going to be pretty much the same?

Talking of Huskies. Our poor vocalist is down with the Flu and bad chest which is not very helpful when you need your lungs throat and clacker to produce songs. Get well soon C.

We have done a Buddhist Funeral in the last few days. Extremely interesting (and a few very pretty Thai ladies as well) and different from our services.
As my friend said 'I can't believe it's not Buddha'??

I have taken another show on this year? For saying I am not very happy with my playing I must be a glutton for punishment. But as John Miles, sang in the coffin shop today (on the radio, not stood beside me) Music was my first love and it will be my last....How very true, no matter if it hurts sometimes.

Oxo

There is an old saying.
'The older you get. The better you get. (unless you are a banana!)

Well in my book that's a load of old tosh.
New mouthpiece. Bad light. Setting the mic in wrong position. But most of all, duff notes. All this made it a frustrating night for me last night, and all my fault.
Ok I got 2 out of 3 solo's almost right! But I did not allow for practising at home with new mouthpiece (in Trombone it's not made for) using my practice mute.
Of course when you take the said mute out to blow normally in a room, it is an entirely different ball game. The majority of musicians will understand this (apart from the real good ones, who could blow on any mouthpiece and it would sound fine) but some of the audience(not all, J and L) just think you blow and the notes come out all on their own!!! To cap it all, the new bone wont be delivered to the warehouse in France for another week!!!!!
Having said all that, it did not particularly stress me, as I knew the causes of the fluffs and will try and put them right and find some entirely new ones next time.

The boss is back from abroad and as always has brought some nasty disease back with him. They had me stock taking today (no not the bodies) and counting coffin handles and shrouds. Oh joy!!!!!. Just wondering if their will ever be light at the end of the proverbial tunnel???

Strange sign in the Cemetery.
Visitors are prohibited from picking flowers from any graves except their own!!!!

Found

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and we will eat for the rest of his life. Give a man a fire and he will be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life!!
(old glenn saying)

It would seem that the location the Band were playing in last night was extremely hard to find. In the space of 10 minutes I had a call from 3 different members of the Band. It was like a human Sat Nav as I sat at my PC trying to guide them in??? I take it they all made it as I have heard nothing since.

If you could change places with 1 person, who would it be? A millionaire? an Athlete?? A super Model???
Me, it would have to be Derren Brown the magician. Just to find out how, he does his unbelievable tricks. How can you make a perfectly ordinary person walk down a street and try and rob a security van????? They say we only use a third of our brains? i wonder what happens to the other third????

No place like nome

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either, just bugger off and leave me alone!!!!!
(old zen quote)

You may remember I wrote to the occupier of the house that I was born in. I was cheekily asking if I may revisit the garden where me and my mate next door had our Bat cave (the outside bog) and take a few photo's for my old dad.I enclosed a photo of myself as a baby and included numerous contact details so the present occupiers could check me out.

I had a reply this morning in the post.
It said 'No'!!!!

An old picture of me above conducting the 9th/12th Lancers band in Vienna. The one piece I loved to conduct was 'Masquerade' by Khachaturian. The hairs on my chest (where else) still stand up when I hear it.

Into town today with my partner ,who was after her 1000 pair of shoes. I could not believe how many folk were buying things after Xmas??? Surely Santa could not have been that bad?

Having to make my usual dash to the towns facilities I was horrified that every trap was taken. Some guy walked past me just as someone came out and nabbed the bog??? Another guy came in and I said in a loud voice, that if anyone else pushed in I would lynch them.....they didn't. In fact they walked out and I felt quite embarrassed that I had said it. Still it was an emergency!!!

Billy no Mates

A wise old man once said to me 'People don't listen, they just wait for their turn to speak'
At least, I think that is what he said?

I may be indecisive, I am not sure. I know I am pigged off that I have ordered a new different size mouthpiece for my new bone (which I have not got yet) and that arrived yesterday. So I spent the whole of last nights practice trying each one and convincing myself, that one was better than the other??? Time will tell.

Fascinating programme about UFO's (I believe in them) and a possible cover up with secretly developed super aircraft. Germany was way ahead during the war and was on the brink of developing a super fighter. It was saucer shaped and it's take off pad was known as the fly trap. If it had been developed we could have been in serious doo doo.

In the USA and Area 51 it is widely rumoured (and evidence exists) that an aircraft has been built that can fly 8000 miles and hour!!!! That's over 2 miles a second. That might have helped me in my trip to work today ,as the 10 miles took over an hour!!!

Having had no chance for lunch today I decided to have a quick look on the works PC at my Face Book page. I forgot to log out and when a so called mate went to look into his account, he went straight to mine.
He thought it would be funny to accept some friend requests. There was one person from the past that I had never any intention of being friends with (as I never was) and out of the 50+ requests he clicked on that one. I have now had to close my account down, effectively cutting myself off from some old friends. I will never forgive him for this.

Mandella

We went to the mortuary of one local hospital today and to say that it was full, would be an understatement.

Over the 2 Day Xmas period they received 52 deaths. On new years day 53?

I asked how much in percentage, would be due to flu related illness and they said quite high.

Again my anger levels shot up, as it is no doubt due to people 'struggling' on and not giving a damn if they infect anyone older or weaker than themselves.
It has to stop with the employer. They have to be more lenient if a member of staff is ill and especially on the wards of Hospitals.
If you are diseased with the Flu then stay at home!!!!!! and keep it to yourself.

I should get my new bone next week hooray.

Earnest Henley may not be a name that is familiar with you. But he wrote a marvellous and poignant poem called 'Invictus'
It made so much of an impact on me that I now have the word emblazoned on a new beanie hat??

Why????

Because I can!!

On the news today.
Because of the Water shortage in Ireland. The Belfast Government have decided to drain lanes 7 and 8 at the local swimming baths?

Walking backwards for Xmas

My new bone is still residing in France and I am unlikely to get it before next week, as it is still at the shop boo! It is ironic then, that the bone I am playing now, never has sounded as good last night!!! I think it knows it's days are numbered.

I greatly admire our top trombone player. His jazz is phenomenal. We now share a similar talent. He was diagnosed with IBS!!!! However he puts it down to a bug, so his guts are back to normal, unlike mine after the 20 lbs of Stilton I have consumed over Chrimbo.

We have a couple of guys who we bring in, when we are short handed at work. Short is probably the operative word, as we affectionately call them the 'Umpahlumpahs'!!! Not the best drivers in the world, but one of them volunteered to drive the second Limo. When it was mentioned that there would be a long reverse down a street, I offered to drive it for him.
In his broad accent he replied 'Arr cud reverse it donwnt M1'

Well lets hope there are not many Lampposts down the Motorway, as only 20 feet into the reverse he backed the Limo into a Lamppost!!!!!!!!! I was in the lead Limo following him down and noticed he had been up the pavement a few times (this was a wide road) but did not realise until we got to the crem, that he had pranged it. The boss ain't going to be to happy when he gets back!!!

When I started to lose my hair in the Army, I used the Charlton Comb Over method, as seen above!!!! What was I thinking??

Wunderbra

Had a text from Germany this morning, to say my new mouthpiece is on the way? Service or what.
Trouble is. I have no idea where my new Trombone is, as it is somewhere between France and here.
I have to keep reminding myself , that today is Tuesday and I am playing tonight. It feels like a Monday.
There is a great female singer called Jo Lawry who is backing Sting. I have just had an e mail from her after I wrote to say how good I thought she was. She took the time to reply even though she is on a World tour!!!

Straight back into the traffic jams and stress this morning. Did we really have Xmas?

I have no idea where the photo above was taken but they keep appearing on Face Book and are bringing back memories.

Just thinking. The closest I have ever come to 3 in a bed was when I dated a Schizophrenic?

Navel Manoeuvres

I have decided to have a root inside my drawers!!! and try and chuck away some of the things that may one day come in useful, but as yet ,never have. I am sure this is a bloke thing.
I mean ,I have been hanging on to a ton of belly button fluff for years? thinking that one day I could stuff a pillow?
Having said that, I have been to an antique fayre today and purchased more tat? which I am sure will come in useful as well.
The annoying thing I did find when cleaning out the cupboards, and was hidden behind the Ronco Jumper fluff remover. Was a small shank mouthpiece arghhhhh. I have just ordered one from France and could have saved myself a fortune. Still it will give me chance to experiment as it is a different size.

Talking of 'blowing' it was a good night at Band last night and a packed house. I even managed to get through a new solo which, with a lip like leather, was a miracle in itself. With reference to above, I now have a ton of mystery raffle prizes to give away (including the BB Fluff)

Back to the grind tomorrow and what with no wage rise in 3 years I reckon it is going to be a lean year for any more spending. Petrol is on the rise big time and I am travelling over a 100 miles a week to work so it's a bit of a tank drainer to say the least. I am sure that the rich are getting richer though, so that's nice isn't it?????????????

Going Up

I am quite hardened to the job I do. I have seen things that some can only imagine in a nightmare. However I did have a lump in my throat on New Years Eve when we were called out to recover the body of someone who had fallen in the river and perished. He was out walking his dog when the tragedy happened. His dog stayed beside the river bank with his master all night, until the police found him! So Sad.

We let off a couple of Chinese Lanterns on New Years Eve. Extremely therapeutic and if combined with a wish, hopeful as well.

A cautionary tale of under spending.

A notorious old miser was laying on his death bed. he called for his housekeeper and told her to collect all his cash put it all in pillowcases and place them in the loft. Puzzled the housekeeper asks why. Well, said the Miser, when I die and float up to heaven I can collect the pillowcases on the way and take them with me.
That night the Miser passed away.
The next morning the Housekeeper goes up to the attic and lo and behold the pillowcases are still there.
He should have put them in the Cellar, she thought!!!!!!

So the moral is....spend it.
Happy New Year