They don't like it up em.

It's a well known fact, that men do not like going to the Doctors!
I can explain why.
Because I am off this week I booked an appointment to see a lady doctor. My employer likes you to be ill in your own time and thus I saved a couple of things up to visit the quack with.(I like to completely fill my 6 minute spot)
Arriving with ten minutes to spare I went to the self check in touch screen. Working my way through the 15 different languages, I found the English speaking button at the bottom (ouch) and signed in.
I noticed 5 chairs in the waiting room. Only the middle one was free the other 4 being taken up by ladies.
Sitting down I immediatley honed in on both conversations.
On my right, the old dear was talking to the other lady about how she had been up all night with sickness and the runs whilst coughing all over her as well.
Turning to my left to avoid the germs, the other lady was talking about, and I quote 'Her heavy Discharge' (gulp...groan) and a 'Smear test' For god sake...I am sensitive, you know!!!.
I finally got called to the lady doctor. I knew I had to have my bum examined and I much prefer a lady to a man looking at my black hole of Calcutta. Suspecting I had the start of another Farmer Giles she inserted an un-lubricated finger up my chuff and said 'I think you have the start of a farmer Giles there...if it get bigger come back' It has got bigger, I replied...yes but if it gets bigger come back.... Ok Doc, the next thing is a couple of skin blemishes that have changed shape and got bigger.
Let me look she say's...hmmmmm.........Yeeeeeessss.....Hmmmmmm. Ok, if they change shape or get bigger come back. They have I replied.
'Next', she shouts.
Yes folks this is the great NHS.
So I am documenting this here just in case anything untoward happens and I can say 'Told you so'

I think the reason I am like this, is because of my poor old Mum.
She kept going back and forth to the Doc's. 'It's yer nerves Mrs M' they told her. No it's not she pleaded. After numerous visits of being told it was her 'nerves' They finally said...'Oh it's not your nerves it's the big C. If it gets bigger or changes shape come back.....grrrr.

I did not play as well last night and my lip did not feel all that good. A couple of things went wrong on stage and a prompt was needed. Another musician missed a cue, so I do not feel to bad about it. I think it's due to all the quick Mute changes. Play 6 bars, put a mute in, play one bar, take the mute out.....

I have never understood, whilst doing a Burial, why the Minister says.
In the name of the Father, and in the name of the Son, into the hole he goes!!!!