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I would like to talk about something very personal.

I would like to talk about something ,that I have, that gets longer when I play with it.....

I would like to talk about...my Trombone slide?

Had a nice message from a friend, who now lives in Germany and has reminded me of something I did with my slide in the 90s whilst in the Army.

We used to do a great Miltary Band number called 'Lassus trombone'. We got to wander around the audiences and I used to be a bit of a devil as to where I slid my slide.

On one occasion, my friend reminds me, it went between a nice German ladies cleavage, much to the delight of her husband and family. Apart from putting her into shock and having to receive counselling, it made an impression on her son? who went onto play Trombone!!! and a Yamaha Trombone to boot as it was the same model I played on. Unfortunately his Mum never recovered.

This also jogged my memory ,back to about 10 years ago when I was playing with a small Dance Band in a pub. A lady had been chain smoking all night very close to where I sat. She insisted in holding her fag with a raised arm above her shoulder. The smoke had drifted into my face for most of the concert and I was well fed up.

So I took careful aim with the end of my slide and knocked the end off her ciggie.

Unfortunately the burning ember fell onto her new skirt and burnt it, much to the annoyance of her and the anger of her husband.

I managed to bluff my way out of it, explaining how difficult it was to control a Trombone slide and managed to get away with it, without getting beat up!!!

Actually I would like a pound for every time my slide has been between a ladies bussoms. Or if not a pound, a small camera on the end?

Been to a medieval market today and then an antique fair, where, for some unknown reason I haggled to buy a jewel encrusted spider? I have no idea why ,only that it is unusual and I have plans to mount it? and make a feature?

Maybe I am starting to get in touch with my feminine side?? very worrying.

Great success for the USA special Forces in disposing of Bin Laden.

The Irish SAS are extremely unhappy, as they had been staking out a local branch of Debenhams for a month. They had spotted sign, but had apparently misread it.

It actually said 'Bed Linen here'

Ok it's old, but it's worth exhuming!!