Walkers

I always like to give a piece of information that may change your life, wherever possible.
The following piece of info will no doubt do that?
All well known Crisps, have a 'sell by date' that ends on a Saturday.
There. Your life will never be the same again!

More bombs planted on planes. This time hidden in printer cartridges?
How can the people who do this, sleep at night? Knowing they are going to murder scores of people?
I can't sleep if I owe anyone a £1. Mind you, I usually owe it to our Trumpet player and he rings me in the middle of the night to remind me.

That's my last 5 days off for 2010 completed. At the beginning I was bored but now it's over I don't want to go back, as I started to really enjoy myself. Mind you to enjoy yourself you have to have money and for that you have to work. Or in some cases, when you cheat the system, don't
That's why I can't understand, that we are supposed to be in the middle of a recession yet the 5 people in front of me in the Post Office were buying £2 scratch cards as if they were going out of fashion. One old lady had £18 worth!!!!!
I will tell you when we are in a recession. When 'Nail Bars' start to close?

Harry Price

Strange noises from the kitchen. A light that jumped off it's base. A mobile phone that resets itself.......All this and the play had not even started.

I was one of only 12 people who sat in a haunted building to watch a play about it's history last night.
It covered a story that spanned it's use as a Red Cross Hospital, a Funeral Parlour and an Edwardian house where a tragedy took place.

The strange happenings can easily be explained before the play, although why my Mobile phone, which was switched off, decided to reset itself completely,is a mystery? The play had ran for 2 nights and at the same point in the play a sudden crash was heard to omit from the empty kitchen. I also saw the light come off it's base, but I am convinced that this was an accident. The play in itself only had 2 characters who then went on to play 6 characters, including Red Cross Nurses, Modern Day owners of the house, and a Lady and her maid. The maid was tragically killed in a fire in that building. I did not get spooked, after all I am an Undertaker and have dressed bodies on my own surrounded by the dead. However for no apparent reason, the hairs on the back of my head stood up at one point (lucky I had any hair to stand up really) All in all an enjoyable evening and I would like to spend a night alone in the building just to see what happens. Actually, when I say alone I would like to borrow a dog for the night just in case, as they pick up on anything weird straight away.

Talking of Dogs. My week off has now ended, so guess what I got today? An e mail from the RSPCA saying they would put me on the list as a dog walker!!!!

Ah, you may be wondering what the photo is above. Well as it is Halloween weekend, the photo is one of the first I studied when I did a Ghost Hunting project for college. Nothing strange about it at first glance. The man had gone to visit his Mothers grave. The photo was taken by the man's wife. However when the snap was developed, lo and behold, sat in the back of the car....was his dead mother (I bet the wife was pleased)

Mary Poppins

I now know where all my hair has gone! When I blow, it comes out the end of my bell!!!!!!

Actually, I am pleased with this photo, as I seem to have one less chin. I Can only count 8 on this one.

I think today was National IBS day in town. Making my usual dash I found that all the toilets were occupied. So I legged it to the next toilet and managed to secure one in between two occupied ones.

It is this point that my Mobile started to ring. My partner had got lost on her way to the Peak District (by the way there are no peaks in the District, but it is so called because of a Clan of people who used to live there...see an education) I started to give her directions whilst sat on the cold porcelain. However the 2 chaps either side of me obviously thought that they knew a better route and started to give me directions over the top of the toilet walls!!

I have used Multi Map but this was more like Multi Trap. It was nice of them to help out, but I felt most uncomfortable sat with my trousers around my ankles having a conversation with 2 complete strangers!!!

I have to give the enterprise award to the lady busker in town. I stood and listened for a good 20 minutes. She had a guitar, but only knew one chord!!!! However she did 4 different songs whilst strumming it???? I didn't give any money.
Tonight I go to a haunted house. I am taking a cork!!!!

Forgery

Today I went to a local auction house to get a free second opinion valuation on the 2 oil paintings I have. My online valuation put them at late 19th Century worth £150-£200 (not bad for a £15 outlay)
At this auction house was a well known TV antique expert. I have now gone completely off him as he valued the paintings at £20-£30 and painted in 1960!!!!. I honestly thought the signature of Rembrandt at the bottom was genuine.

I then met my partner for a posh lunch and we went on to feed the swans and ducks. One attacked her while she was filming and a swan tried to mount me , ok a slight exaggeration but he did try and give me a kiss (ah foreplay)
Tomorrow night I am off to watch a play that is taking place withing a Haunted House.
Should be good for the old IBS???

Wrinkled Stockings

I figure that I have 2 duties in life. One is to worry and the other is not to worry. So if I look confused it's because I am thinking.
Actually, I have been thinking a lot this week. Firstly I don't think I want to retire now? With my partner at work, it has been an extremely boring week. Ok, I have made the effort and been out and done things and not sat slumped in front of the box. But blinking heck, there are only so many Garden Centres and shops you can look at without going brain dead. If I hear another woman go 'ooooh that's nice' to every inanimate object they see, then I shall go mad?
It happened to day. The old dear was dragging her hubby round the begonias and every other word was 'oooh that's nice'. I just stopped myself pointing at a bit of fluff on the floor, prodding her and saying.......well, you know!!!!
I also noticed scores of unmarried mothers, pushing their babies around town. The proverbial fag in one hand and a tattoo saying 'I love Desmond' on the other. maybe they should have more than one name and the tattoo should say 'Delete as applicable'???
Ok, I people watch. I enjoy it, but it also winds me up. Two teenage girls sat in front at the coffee shop bragging about how they stole a bra from M and S. then complaining that it did not fit??? No doubt that will be posted all over Facebook tonight?
So I never thought I would say it, but....roll on work?
Just to cheer you all up I have also enclosed a photo of old 'Compo's gravestone. Actually when I took the photo, I touched it and said
'Ooooh that's nice!!!!

Of the Times

You think that us Trombones are scary? Well take a look at this young lady. She was called Marguerite Dufay and was a well known Parisian Music Hall Trombonist!!!!! Would you mess with her? Mind you a couple of pints of Stella and I would probably fancy her.

This rotten IBS can kick in at any inopportune time. I can be in a shop or town or in a strange building. Now I know for a fact, that there is a certain building that it always happens in and I have got to go rushing off to the khazi every time? Only one bog in this building and it has been touch and go on some occasions waiting for the occupier to come out. I usually grab them by the lapels and leap onto the now warmed seat!!!
So why do I keep going to this place then? Well for one, I will not let it beat me and for two I like the place.
It's a massive old building that holds floors and floors of antiques. Now whilst sitting in the Victorian Throne Room I started to read a flyer about the house. Apparently it was a Red Cross Hospital in the First World War. Then an Undertakers and then it reverted to a Family House where tragedy happened. So maybe it was not IBS, but me old physic powers kicking in.

I did buy something while I was there. It goes in line with the strange and wacky life that I lead.
It's a metal plate that you screw to the wall outside.

It simply says'

On this site September 5th 1782.
Nothing Happened!!!!

Well it made me smile.

P.S I hae wrapped all my Xmas presents ha.

Mutiny and a Bounty

Having had a good night at Band, I decided before bed, that I would sit down and watch a Film. Opening a family size bag of Pretzels, my intention was to eat just a few. Next thing I knew, my hand had gone in the bag and it was empty!!!!
Having a few day's off and eating breakfast while watching Jeremy Kyle!!( My husband has slept with 14 women behind my back, but I still love him!) quality television. I decided to work off the 4000 bread based snacks that I ate last night, by walking into town. 4 miles and one blister later, I bumped into our Alto player and his partner. We had a coffee and long chat. It's something we never get to do on Concert nights. Great to put the world to rights and catch up on opinions and gossip etc.

Being an Undertaker, I wanted to make a visit to my Granddad's grave in Lancashire. He was a great bloke and also had his own Funeral Company. I don't know why my Dad never got him an headstone though. His grave is directly in front of me. By my left hand is one of his son's. I never met him as he died before I was born. Apparently he was a bit of a rogue, liked his booze and his women (ah the family genes) and was a bit like a devilish Errol Flynn. I would love to have gone for a pint with him.

It would seem that 5 year olds are asking Santa to bring them iPhones!!!!! Whatever happened to the selection box and orange.
Have I got this wrong? A Football player earns £240k a week!!!! and we are in a recession???

On my long walk today, I was wondering, that if you are self employed, would you ever get problems with sexual harassment at work???

Pat

I am reading another book about Colditz Castle. I was trying to work out why the German Guards were so friendly with the British Prisoners of War (not the Polish though) and have learned that the guards were made up of veterans of the first World war and soldiers to young to fight in the second war.
The ingenuity that went into the audacious escape attempts still astounds me. Uniforms, passes, money all created for the long and dangerous trip to the Swiss boarder. Of course some of the Guards could be bribed and a blind eye was turned to some tunneling attempts (The Germans waited until they were almost out, then uncovered the tunnel. While they were aware of the tunneling they knew it kept the prisoners busy and stopped them causing more trouble) In fact the British Prisoners were better fed than the Guards, with Red Cross parcels arriving in abundance. I presume,that because they were officers, they were treated much better? Not so for your average soldier therefore?
And now the news is breaking, that many Iraq prisoners were tortured and ill treated. How can this bring peace between any Nations. This news will only bring more bloodshed, and thats all it will acheive.
With Remembrance day fast approaching, we still have not learnt anything in this crazy world. Wars achieve nothing? Talking does.

And now a Buddhist Quote to bring you Peace of mind.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either. Just bugger off and leave me alone!!!!

P.S I still have toothache???

Flipper

Dolphins! Now these are intelligent creatures.
It would seem, that one that was kept in captivity and was released back into the wilds in the 80s.
This Dolphin had worked in a theme park doing tricks. It is not natural for dolphins to glide backwards on their tail fin, but it was taught the trick for the show. It seems that now, over 30 years on. Most of the wild Dolphins are doing it in the sea!!!!
They watched this one Dolphin, copied and learned!!! Mind you I know some people like that as well?
I have a new solo for the Band to try tomorrow. I have not played it yet and neither has the Band, so should be exciting!

Vorderman

My old mucker the Trumpet player, has informed me that I made a basic error in my maths, regarding my dad's urges!!!

He should have had a naughty thought a year earlier, apparently. But as I told my mate. That would have been out of wedlock!!! and I am sure they did not do that in 1856?

I seem to have shaken my cold off, but one person at work has a streamer and is coughing and sneezing over everyone. I hope the one I had is the same genetic germs cos I have a week off coming up and do not want to spend it, with a Vick's nasal stick stuck up each nostril.

I spent a lousy night with ear ache and I think it was down to the filling that had disturbed something. I think I fell asleep about 4am and was awake again at 7am, but as my body is used to that amount of sleep, it shouldn't be a problem.

I even managed a short blow last night after the anaesthetic had worn off , even though I was dribbling from either side of my mouthpiece....nice.

How bad is it, that someone comes in to arrange a Funeral. They have the Service and Burial and when they are sent the bill, they say that they can't pay. Yes it's happened again. Where has this Country's honesty and pride gone??

Cavern

As I sit here slobbering over my keyboard. You can probably guess that I have had my filling done. Now I am not exaggerating when I say that it is nearly as big as the Chedar Gorge, and the dentist had to send out for more paste to fill it. All that pain and it might not even work, he informed me. Don't eat on that side for a couple of hours and if it does fall out then we will have to cap it, but (intake of breath) it's bloody expensive, he told me with a gleam in his bloodshot eyes??

Yes I am full of woe today. As he was drilling into my skull, I was evaluating my life. I wish my dad had put his urges on hold when he first got married. Well at least for another year ,before they considered producing a little Trombone player?? You see, if they had waited another year, then I could have retired at flipping 65. But oh no. The Government have moved the finish line and now I have to work another 12 months!!!! thanks to the new date they have set. Flipping marvelous.

I have been sent another photo of my Army days. Can you see which one I am? Answers on a £20 note please. The guy at the back on the far right, got a right bollocking for looking down.

Anyway I am off to eat my tea through a straw now. Another few years and I will be doing that anyway. And Slobbering. And forgetting what I have said.
Another few years and I will be doing that anyway. And Slobbering......

Heavy Petting

A man was talking to his mate in the pub.
He said 'I spent some time next to the Wife's grave yesterday.
'She doesn't know. She thinks I am digging a swimming pool!!!

I always go to Tuesday Band without my partner, so I hope she does not find out the next bit.

As soon as I walked into the Concert room, I spotted this gorgeous female. I introduced myself as soon as I walked into the room and could not wait until the interval, so that I could spend more time with her.
The first half passed so slowly, but finally the break came.
For the next 15 minutes she sat contented on my lap, whilst I whispered sweet nothings in her ear.

Ok. Truth is, the Band Leaders wife had a new puppy and she was only a few weeks old, so I offered to dog sit her while they went in the Restaurant bar.
It really made my night.

After 2 e mails to the RSPCA asking if I could volunteer dog walk on my break, I have had no replies. So sod em, I am now taking them out of my will.

Dentist tomorrow and a replacement filling, so no playing that night, but lots of dribbling..no change there then!

So here is your choice.
Do we, as a Country, cut the £22 a day that some alcoholics get to spend on Booze? Or get rid of the finest Air Craft Carrier ,this Country has ever had???
Hmmmmm!!

Having spent another 2 hours trying to find the rogue file that is missing from my PC, I went onto a Help Forum where all the experts send an answer to your PC woes.
I am now glad to report, that they are all, of the same standard as me and the search for msvcr80.dll goes on?
I have a few days off coming up soon and thought that I would give some of my time to volunteer at the RSPCA Dog walking. As I can't have one of my own I was pretty excited at the thought of borrowing some. But have they replied to my e mail...nope!! The other alternative was, to make a surprise visit to Blackpool for a drink with my mate, but I have spent so much money this month on tyres and audio stands that my flexible friend could not take the strain!!!

None of my alarms went off this morning, so I shot out of bed , quicker than a married Footballer, being caught with his Mistress. Just made it to work, but having put my trollies on back to front in the rush. I spent the good part of 10 minutes wondering where my little soldier had disappeared too???

Ice Say

Who turned Summer off??? My poor old Hamster is going ten to the dozen trying to wind the Dynamo that controls my heating!!!

It must be winter as the Fair is coming to town and I have dug out my woolly hat.

Good blow last night and very impressed with our Bass Bone player. He had lost his part to Under My Skin. He has an important 4 bars solo in the piece and the chap stood up and remembered it all by heart.

All but one person has a cold at work (and it's not me this time) It looks like a Boots dispensing Chemist in the rest room.

Have you ever heard of the 'Night Time day Time Bird'??? This makes me smile every time. (click on the title)

Another trip to the Dentist this week, but whatever he did with the tooth before has worked, so not dreading it.

Did you know, that behind every successful Man, stands and amazed Woman?

Sing a Thong

A great gig last night, despite me having a Tommy Tantrum on how the Band had been shoved into a corner, whilst Disco took pride of place. Weddings are usually notoriously hard to get going. But last night, they virtually ran into the room to Dance. There were a lot of ladies being swung around showing everything they had got and more....it was great!!! Despite having a cold, I did enjoy the blow but something still not right?

Having got home fairly early, I decided I would try and get my PC back into full working order. So with my limited knowledge of Computers, I un installed, reinstalled, installed in safe mode etc etc. I am pleased to say that there are still some clever people around. But unfortunately I am not one of them, as the problem still exists. I have now posted in a help forum for advice.

Having read a bit about the Kennedy assassination and linking it with Monroes suicide (all cover ups) I found this startling bit of evidence. The secret service/FBI always stay close to Kennedys car. But just before the sniper took the 2 shots, the detectives were told to come away from the Limo????? Scary stuff but just shows you what the super powers can cover up!! (click on title)

I understand, that when one of the Chilean Miners got home to his wife, he asked her if they could go straight upstairs and make love.
Of course replied the wife.
When they got to the bedroom. he asked if they could switch the lights out because of all the days he had spent in the dark?
Of course, said the wife. Anything else.
Yes he replied. Can I call you Pedro??
Ok a risque joke but it made me chuckle.

My PC is giving me problems again and I am having problems getting my mail and getting onto the Internet? It's always after they send some update or other and it then completely screws up what was a perfectly working PC???

The Trombones are now hunting for large carry cases for our new stands. Trouble is, we now have so much kit to carry, it will take us almost as long as the drummer to set up.

I am suffering today after eating very badly last night.
I knew I should not go for it, but I had mixed Kebab meat and chips. Oh gorgeous, but oh so full of rubbish. Even the fox's would not eat what was left over???

Busy playing weekend and I hope I can get back into the swing of it as I seem to have lost my way a bit??

Necessities

I have a normal living room. In it are items that most people will have. A Tv. A Sofa. A Standard Lamp. A Sheep.
But last night it was full of trombone players!!!
They were all there to admire there brand new shiny acoustic Shields. 4 of them were delivered to my place of work. So I picked one at random. Out of the 4, mine was the only one that had scratches on...typical. Everyone seemed pleased though so we will road test them this weekend. If they are no good they also double as a music stand.

Long and hard day today.
I was sent to the wilds of the Peak District to work with another Funeral Company. A smart and safe cortege is lead by an experienced Hearse driver. You learn to trust him on pulling out at junctions and by rights do not have to look, as he will allow space for all the Limo's to cross or turn safely.

Not the guy today though. Although he had been in the business many many years, he seemed to forget about the following Limo's? At junctions he would cross just before another car crossed in front. The first Limo driver was of mature years and he would then look left and right. Then left and right . Then left and right and very slowly pull out.....just before another car crossed. Which left me doing 70 mph with a family on board trying to catch up!!!

Not impressed so today I am a grizzly bear Grrrrr.

Peas

At last some good and heartwarming stories in the news. Great that the Chilean Miners are now all out and alive and well.
I was thinking, that if it had been all of the Band trapped down there, that under no cost should we let the Saxophone section up first. I mean there would be no flipping buffet left by the time we all got out. Our Trumpet player would have a problem as we would not be able to get his wallet in the escape pod. Mind you it would have made a great mattress for all of us. The drummer would be beating rhythms on the rocks 24/7 and our 3 vocalists would be crooning for dear life. and what with my Irritable guts!!!! What a nightmare that would be!!!!

I am now in touch with some ex members of my Regimental Band and we are reminiscing about old times. I was reminded , that whilst I was on a medics excercise, I fell in love with a WRAC girl. She was a sergeant (if she had been a Corporal she would have been a full screw way hay!!) and I used to go running with her. I was going to take her out for a meal , but then found out that one of the married men in the Band had got there before me (and more) Broke me little heart it did>>>ah happy days!!

Taxi

Well the temperature has dropped half a degree so everyone is dropping with colds and coughs. Ironic then, that after last nights poor turn out for the Concert, I have woke up with a sore throat. I blame the missus!

I did not manage to get to the vocalists Funeral today. But I did catch the tail end of it as we were the next in. As I went in the chapel they were playing a CD of her singing. Very poignant and a good send off judging by the amount of people there.

As I was driving the Hearse out, I saw another musician. I offered them a lift...but they declined??

I know that South Africa had Apartheid, but I am sure Britain has got 'Apathy' I am really fed up, that when you send an e mail out to try and arrange a detail for a gig, that it takes ages for some folk to reply (if at all). I award them all the 'Roundtuit' award.

It said on the news today that Males and Females are permanently stressed in the UK. The blokes get it all wrong though by having a pint or two. Where, the women have a cup of tea and keep talking. Fact is, they usually unload at the husband/partner who have their own problems and are trying to sup a pint!!!!!

Pig of a day

I must have driven my partner mad last night. She loves Eastenders and hates me interrupting. However I was tutting all the way through the soap as they sent 2 undertakers in to remove a body. I counted loads of mistakes and mentioned every one of them to her. Needless to say she was not impressed??? The biggest gaff they made was not wearing gloves, not to mention coming out of the house with the body head first, and they never said one word to the family.!!!



All 4 bones have now purchased acoustic protective stand to put behind our heads. I hope they work cos they cost us all a fortune? It will be like the Berlin wall, but at least we will have some sort of protection and not have to depend on ear plugs, which are a pain in the butt. It amazes me, that one of the bands i play in, the audience sit with toilet paper in their ears. It wont be long before someone jumps on the Band waggon (pun intended) and starts to sue for damaged hearing.



I am now a weeks wages down, but have 4 brand new tyres on my car!



Had a flu jab yesterday so my arm is sore today but much better than having the lurgy? It also contained the swine flu protection. No side effects apart from a slight crackling in the ears.

Poor old Claire Raynor has passed on. Who am I going to write to now???

Coming out.

Without new experiences, something inside of us sleeps.
The sleeper must awaken
Frank Herbert

I am tyred, no really I am. I need 4 of the rubber rings for my car. 4!!!!! that's a weeks wages. Actually I only need 3 but whats the point of not having the other done???

I have decided to share the subject I mentioned a few days ago. Now some of you probably wont care, but this really got to me.

In the Victorian era, if you had a still born baby, then usually it was taken away never to be seen again. No Funeral, nothing.

I had heard rumours (allegedly) that there was going to be a mass burial of over 50 of these poor mites (allegedly) and I would not have given this a second thought if I had not seen them myself.
Dating as far back as 1870, these small babies were perfectly preserved in cases of formaldehyde. I mean perfect. Ok there were also some organs as well, but all are being mass buried in one grave (maybe two graves)(allegedly) I did try to do something about this, by contacting a well known large newspaper asking if they could help (anonymous contact by the way) but they couldn't. It really has been grating on my mind as I am sure blood relatives will still be around today. What can I do???? Nothing, but it is so wrong. The very least they deserve is their own grave and headstone but I presume it all comes down to cost (allegedly)
Sad day.

Talking of sad.
I was told to listen to a track by an artist called Nick Drake. this poor chap died at an early age and suffered from anxiety, depression and insomnia (oh how I understand) He would not perform in public and only became famous after he took his own life. Click on the title and listen to 'Riverman' and just listen to the chords. Touching.

Burial

One of the trapped Chilean Miners is fuming.
He forgot to clock in at the start of his shift??

Having a free weekend I sat down to watch a 3d ghost film last night. All sorts of things jumping out at the screen at me. It must have prayed on my mind as I had loads of weird dreams. At one point I woke up in the middle of the night, with a cold dead hand touching my face. It took me a few seconds to realise I had gone to sleep with my arm behind my head and cut off the blood supply and it was my own hand. Needless to say I am knackered this morning.

My prediction for the X factor is Grimshaw and Byrne (the young nervous lad and the Tesco lady) as the rest of them are poor really.

I only have a few ambitions in my life. One would be, to play on a Film Soundtrack. I would pay them to do it. The other few ambitions are. To go to Los Angeles and visit John Candys grave, eat an American Breakfast and sit in an American Bar. I also want to do a Tandem parachute jump (I would not be allowed to do a solo jump cos of my leg and ankle) . Of course the main one would be to have a dog and live by the sea. Actually thats quite a lot and not unachievable really. Somewhere in the UK someone can do all of those straight away as they have won over 100 million on the Euro Lottery. Hope it is someone who really deserves it!

Grave

How do you freeze a moment in time forever? Well you take a photo. There are 2 things in life that last forever and they are music and photo’s (unless your house burns down with them in?). Take a look at the enthusiasm and passion from the Trombone section and vocalist in this snippet in time? (The trumpet player at the back is actually shouting ‘I want a tonic water’, as he heard someone at the bar 100 yards away saying it was his or her round) That’s why we are the best Band in the Midlands…because we enjoy it and that spreads to the audiences. There are so many trying to copy us now, but are only and always will be, second best.

I am still catching up with old mates from the Army Band. We were a Cavalry Regiment and although not mounted, I went for Horse riding lessons, just to say I could at least do it. Classes took place every Sunday morning. A Saturday night in Germany usually meant getting to bed about 3am. We then had to be at the stables at 9am to prep the horses. At the beginning of the lessons, the stable hands tacked up the horses for us. After about 8 weeks we had to do our own. I had a huge horse called Toby (I loved this horse so much I used to visit it at night to talk to it) who was very docile and easy to ride. However, the stable staff knew he had a trick that he played on none stable staff.

The first time I had to put a saddle on Toby, I had to reach beneath him to fasten the girth; he had this trick, where he used to exhale when I was tightening the strap. Therefore, when I though the girth was as tight as it would go, I stopped. It was only when I went to mount him that I realised,,, and slid…gracefully underneath his belly. Toby used to look down at me on the Stable floor and I am sure he was laughing.

So maybe I should have said that there are 3 things that last forever and the last is memories.

My partner has a cold. I have this thing about colds. If you stay away from people who have them, then you wont catch them? I must love her though as we are both having lunch. She is eating in Sainsbury's and I in Asda!

Mass

Above is a cartoon that was drawn while I was serving in Germany. I was into running and I am also clutching a beer and a bottle of hair restorer with my bone strapped to my back? A good representation me thinks???

After yesterdays post I did try to bring to the attention of a 'Big Name' the injustice that is soon to be committed. But to no avail as they wont take the story on. I still can't say what it is as i know it would really upset some people as it did me. If I win the Euro Lottery tonight then I will do something about it myself. So no chance the situation will change then.

I am cursed on my Mum's side with 'Cold Sores' she must have kissed me when I was a baby or something, because once a year I usually get a massive one. Only thing is, I have had my 'one' this year and just got rid of it, only for another to appear. It is strange because I am sleeping better and eating well. Maybe I should go back to the 4hrs a night and 10 pints???

Victorian Morals

I have seen something today that has really disturbed me. I am not easily shocked and I can't even tell you what it is, as i would get into so much trouble. All I can say is, it is so so wrong and the authorities concerned should be ashamed of themselves. I could do something about it but I might lose my job if it was found out. I have to hasten that it is nothing to do with our company and those that know, feel the same. My heart says 'do something' and yet my instinct says it could open a very big can of worms. I need to sleep on it.

Feel lousy today and had a bad tum most of the night so I don't know if the above is on my mind?

The Trombones are now seriously looking into purchasing perspex shields to protect our hearing from the instruments behind. For me it is a tad too late what with the 38 strong Army Band and numerous years in the Big Band world. I have had Tinnitus for many years and the constant whistling in the ears has been entertaining me for many a night in bed. Hazards of the job I am afraid. I once had a reply from Don Lusher reference a letter I had published. I wanted to know why the loudest instruments were put behind other musicians instead of at the front? Although I did not get an answer to the question, he told me to just ignore it and concentrate on the playing? Poor old Don is dead now, but I do not know if he went with his hearing intact!!!

Shark

On my way to the gig last night, I spotted an RAC van in the lay by. The driver had his head in his hands crying. I thought to myself. 'He's heading for a breakdown'?

When I got to the Gig, I noticed a bloke stood at the bar. he was wearing black shorts, a black shirt and had a whistle in his mouth. I thought to myself 'Somethings going to kick off soon'

Actually, my jaw hurt after playing last night and i am not sure if it is down to lack of practice or this flipping tooth. I did not split many though, but then again I was playing second.

I went to do my monthly shop today.
I was stood at the checkout with my trolley overflowing with Pot Noodles and lager. I noticed a little old lady stood behind me with a pint of milk.
I said to her 'Is that all you have got my dear'
She said yes.
So I did the decent thing.
I told her to bugger off to another till as i was going to be ages!!!!!

Summer Wine

Just to prove I was once good looking and had hair and a smile. Where did it all go wrong. Mind you I would not have known at that age, that my Mum was really, really poorly.

'Mr Grimsdale' How sad we wont hear that call again. Old Norman Wisdom has gone to the great stage in the sky. A couple of years ago I wrote to him at his Nursing Home and got a nice reply back from the Matron, telling me that he appreciated the thought and that the letter had been read to him. A comedian to the end.

I must admit to playing devil's advocate this week. I was angry that someone had commented about a member of the Band. They were organising a function and commented by e mail, this incenced me as wrongly or rightly, I am very protective of the Band, so I have made them wait and said the date might be taken......refreshingly satisfying if a tad naughty>

A snippet of news that may go unnoticed in the papers. A plane had to take evasive action in Mongolia after nearly crashing into a UFO. A picture exists and looks like nothing I have seen before. Mind you, I am convinced of life on other planets. I mean it's only just over 100 years ago that the first manned flight took place? I have a theory that actually we are not that far ahead in science and we have had a little help from another source??????? hence giving our planet the civilised world we have to day. Thanks little green men!!!!!

Kinder small

You only get what you pay for..will I ever learn.
I have always wanted a North Face jacket and as winter is coming thought I would search the Internet for one. The average price is £150 and I hesitate to buy one at that price, when a couple of poor kids are working 23 hours a day and getting pennies for it. Imagine my delight therefore when I found a size Large for under seventy quid. My mates at work kept telling me that North face are under sized and I should have gone for extra large. Of course I said there would be no problem.
The jacket arrived today and when I opened it and much to the mirth of my so called mates I pulled out a jacket that would only just fit an Action Man doll.
It was a kids!!!!! I am sure it never said that on the on line shop??
I could get one hand in the jacket and that was it.? so this will last my mates for weeks taking the wee wee.
First long blow for a while last night and I felt it, as my chops were aching at the end. It seems my embouchure has changed again??? so back to the drawing board.
Had to do a babies Funeral today. Very sad and it always affects all of us.

Gravitas

So they have found a new planet, many light years away. It has all the characteristics of Earth and therefore can support life?
Only difference is, the planet does not spin. I should imagine then that there would be no gravity and you would float everywhere. Brilliant, I can't wait to go on my hols there then.
Mind you, if there were life on this planet, no doubt we would try to get there and Civilise them????
Thank goodness it is too far away then,
If you click on the title above you can hear a different version of Moonlight Serenade.
A mate of mine at work has read that it takes just £100 a year to feed a child in a Third World Country.
So he has sent his kid there!

Hong Kong Phewee

Life is exciting...at least mine is. Got took short on a trip to another town. Hightailing it to the Town bog I found the only trap that was vacant. The toilet seat was hanging off and someone had not flushed before me. I was not perturbed as needs must etc and anyway, I have used khazies in Belgium which consisted of 2 footplates, a hole in the floor and 2 handles to hang on to. Now this is ok, but when you take one hand off a handle to clean your landing gear and then your mobile rings...well then you are in trouble.
Back in the town toilet though my relief was apparent at making it in time. It was however disconcerting that a Dad came in with his little lad. They obviously wanted to use the one working bog that I was perched on. All I could hear was the little lad saying 'Daddy it smells in here'? I waited hoping they would move on...but no. Trying to make light of things I opened the door and in a humorous voice said 'I would give that 10 minutes if I was you'. he looked at his son and said, 'Come on you can go in the street'?
It wasn't that bad honest.!!!!

Sad that Tony Curtis has passed away. he once said, that kissing Marilyn Monroe was like kissing Adolf Hitler????? I don't know if he meant that she had a moustache or he was just joking.
Another Hollywood Actor has cancer. His wife can't believe that the doctors did not spot it in time? They had the best Doc's in Hollywood, so what chance do we have???

No skin of my nose

Just to prove I did once have hair. This was a Tradition in the Regimental band. It was called the Horn of Plenty! and I think I was just about to drink it as the newbie!!!

Heard in the back of my Limo the other day. 2 old chaps were talking (I think they were from Ireland)

One said 'I am getting circumcised next week' 'A bit old at 74,' replied the other 'I had my circumcision when I was a baby' 'Did it hurt' asked the other guy? 'I don't know about that' he replied. But I couldn't walk for a year'?

I watched a Dad's Army DVD last night. The music was conducted by Colonel Trevor Sharpe of the Coldstream Guards, who passed away recently. I remember working under him a few times and he put the fear of God into me. I am sure it was him that picked me out of hundred of musicians on the massed bands, for not marking time correctly? Being a Trombone player I was always at the front. Stood next to a Guardsman bone player ,it was bound to look different. We had straps around our boots and braces so I could not get my knees up as high as the bloke next to me and he was wearing normal trousers. He shouted that loud that I managed it though, even though it snapped me braces? Oh happy days.