Passports Please

So Professor Stephen Hawkins has said that their is no God and the world was created by the Big Bang (I had one of those once!!!)?

Well that's it then. Might as well pack it all in now. I suppose that when he goes ,he will still want burying with his wheelchair and just my luck I will have to carry!

Listen Mr Hawkins. It might be tad complicated this life, but all of this can't be for nothing. Ok it might be a bit crowded up their ,what with all the folk who have passed on. Also it might be a little hard to find your lost long relatives as infinity is pretty big you know. I suppose they will be all standing their with your name held aloft as they do at airports (wonder if you have to check in?? 'Any Luggage Sir? ' No just this shroud old chap')But everything has to be for something?

I was brought up in the Church of England but my Grandparents were strict Catholics. I always used to get Holy water chucked in my face when I went to visit. It's unfortunate that they always did it as I got to the top of their stairs, causing me on more than one occasions to go down quicker than when I went up?

The Catholic Funeral services we attend go on for ages and we call it Full bed and Breakfast when they take Communion. Another 10 minutes can be added at the Grave side. I wonder if they get special dispensation up there then??? Mind you as i go to Church almost every day, i should be in with some sort of chance of at least a one up one down???

A knock on the door tonight as I was training. I had to get of my exercise bike (remove my bike clips and helmet.. I take safety very seriously) to answer the door.
A bloke stood their and asked if he could clean my carpets.
That's all I need, I thought.
a Ja Hoovers witness.