Homeless

I would like to make a job's worth award today.
If a person is Cremated then once the ashes have been cooled, they are placed in a Bio Degradable box and labeled with the persons name and Undertakers who will collect.
A new rule has come into force at a local Crematorium. You must give the name of the person who's ash's you are collecting. Fair enough...but.
I was sent to collect one box of ashes this afternoon. Taken into the sacred bowels of the Crematorium , I went to collect the said remains. however, I also noticed that we had another box of Ashe's to collect. So, whilst I was there I asked if I could sign for them as well.
You would have thought I had made some obscene suggestion concerning my Genitals and a sheep!!! No chance , replied the attendant you only gave one name? Yes I know, I replied, but look those are ours as well!!! It's got our name on it!!!
No, replied the attendant, I could not possibly give you those. All you can do is go back out to reception. Ring the bell again, and ask for the name of these ashes!!!!!!!!
Did I? Did I buggery. The worlds going mad.

The Muppet award today, I award to myself.
I left my house keys at work. I did not realise until I pulled into my street. But no problem, I thought, cos I have 3 neighbours with spare keys, and they are always in!!!!
An hour later I was still stood outside my house. All of them were blinking well out. My frozen chicken legs had thawed and my lettuce had wilted!!! and I wont mention the food I had bought!

Give a thought for the bloke, who this week, for a bet. Drank a Litre of Vodka in a few seconds.......Of course he is dead...but he did win the bet.