Titanic

In marriage the Bride gets a shower but for the Groom it's curtains.

By the way we went to a zoo while we were on Holiday. The only animal they had was a little furry dog.
It was a Shitzu...

I was looking forward last night, to a couple of beers and sitting and watching the telly. Of course the best laid plans never work. As I checked my e mails I noticed one from my Mobile Phone supplier telling me that there was an update for my phone. It warned me to back my phone up, but as I did not know how to do it, I thought sod it. Well it upgraded my software but wiped all my contacts and ring tones and photos from the memory. So I spent the next 3 hours downloading them all again. Being very late now I decided to get some kip. Because I had not let Barney the Hamster out I picked him up and kissed him on the back (I know, but deep down I am a softie) and said good night. I then went upstairs to clean my teeth (I keep them upstairs) as I started to brush and look in the mirror, I noticed a rather large Hamster Turd stuck to my top lip?? very Chaplainesk in a certain sort of way and disgusting in another??? Strange day.

I am always fascinated when the grave digger has done a re opener. I always ask how long the coffin has been interred and what condition it is in. There is no doubt that the condition of the soil has much to do with how long a coffin lasts. If you look around some old graves and they seem to have sunk, this is usually where the coffin lid has finally given away after many years of holding the weight of the soil up. As yet our grave digger has not found any treasures. That is apart from a peculiar cylindrical object with a piece of string attached. he thinks it was a Tampax but he was not sure what period it was from................sorry!!!!!!