I may be getting towards my mid 50s now, but every morning I get up feeling like a 20 year old.
Unfortunately there is never one around.
Felt really off it today? Not sure why but everyone I spoke to felt iffy? Maybe it's the weather.
Had a dodgy letter today about a car I part exchanged 3 years ago??? It is going in the same place as my e mails asking me to check my Bank details and the nice foreign chap who wants to use my bank to send me some money as I am his long forgotten best friend..........muppets
Got a text from my neighbours who were having coffee in my favourite place... Staithes.I texted back and asked if the seagull was still sitting on the telescope...and he was. My house I want is still up for sale, so fingers crossed for the Lottery tonight.
Need to practice now so time to get my musical head on.
Saturday, 31 July 2010
Friday, 30 July 2010
Deck the Halls.
I like the Ballet. Do you know why I like the ballet??
Well, for 2 hours I can sit and watch some ladies, who never say a word...bliss sheer bliss.
Do you want to know the meaning of sad?
Well here it is.
I have started my Xmas shopping already.....Listen ,if the Garden centres can start putting their decorations up (they started 2 weeks ago in one store) then it must be ok??
Took great pride in looking after a lady and returning her to all her glory today. It is rewarding when a person comes in and has obviously had an hard battle and you can return them to almost like they were before they died (well we can't bring them back to life unfortunately) and I get enormous satisfaction out of it. You still get people who view though, who say..oooh it doesn't look like them' I haven't had one yet but I know it will come.
I told my boss today that I don't want to opt out and work after 65!!! I can't even see myself getting to that age, never mind working past that age? That is where the dog and sea come in if I become a wrinkly (what do you mean I already am!!!)
Well, for 2 hours I can sit and watch some ladies, who never say a word...bliss sheer bliss.
Do you want to know the meaning of sad?
Well here it is.
I have started my Xmas shopping already.....Listen ,if the Garden centres can start putting their decorations up (they started 2 weeks ago in one store) then it must be ok??
Took great pride in looking after a lady and returning her to all her glory today. It is rewarding when a person comes in and has obviously had an hard battle and you can return them to almost like they were before they died (well we can't bring them back to life unfortunately) and I get enormous satisfaction out of it. You still get people who view though, who say..oooh it doesn't look like them' I haven't had one yet but I know it will come.
I told my boss today that I don't want to opt out and work after 65!!! I can't even see myself getting to that age, never mind working past that age? That is where the dog and sea come in if I become a wrinkly (what do you mean I already am!!!)
Thursday, 29 July 2010
Back to Front
A strange coincidence that my Boss visited the same hospital as I did yesterday. It must be national fight day as he witnessed a gentleman (sic) punching his own mum in the face in the car park. My boss shouted at a security guard to tell him what had just happened, but the guard must have been going for his tea break as he didn't want to know. So my Boss verbally waded in. The difference in cultures shows here. Despite smacking his mum and my boss trying to stop it, all he got was verbal abuse and not a word from the old Indian lady being abused. In fact she toddled off into the Hospital whilst the brave bloke got in the passenger seat of his car and his wife drove him off, still shouting explicit details of what he was going to do with my employer???
Visiting the Mortuary at the Hospital today I happened to call into Patient Liaison services, where it appeared that the lady with the kids from hell had made a complaint about the Hospital?? Am I wrong here or is this Country going Topsy turvy?? (whatever that means).
Managed only 10 minutes of practice last night, but that was only because I found it hard to sit down in my usual practice chair!!!
Did find time to write a humorous letter to the local rag though ,about the new local ring road. I compared it to Spaghetti Junction but the local version was Ravioli Road, cos it keeps taking me Pasta my House!!!!!
Visiting the Mortuary at the Hospital today I happened to call into Patient Liaison services, where it appeared that the lady with the kids from hell had made a complaint about the Hospital?? Am I wrong here or is this Country going Topsy turvy?? (whatever that means).
Managed only 10 minutes of practice last night, but that was only because I found it hard to sit down in my usual practice chair!!!
Did find time to write a humorous letter to the local rag though ,about the new local ring road. I compared it to Spaghetti Junction but the local version was Ravioli Road, cos it keeps taking me Pasta my House!!!!!
Wednesday, 28 July 2010
Seconds Out
The long awaited botty appointment arrived today. I took the day off as I had saved up loads of overtime for just this purpose.
I was worried that they had not sent any suppositories this time so they could shine there huge torch up my nether regions.I need not have worried though, as whilst in the waiting room I was hit with a dose of the Gandhi's revenge, thus making my inner parts extremely clean and shiny!!!.
Whilst waiting they had to call security as a fight nearly broke out between two warring mothers and a very unruly kid. Actually this woman had 2 kids and one aged about 15 proceeded to wipe the NHS board showing what Doctors were on attendance, completely clean. The mother just laughed, so the other lady was quite within her rights to 'have a go'.
Unfortunately, before the punch up started I was called for my slot.
I saw a different Doctor this time who could not understand why I was still having problems? He told me that the CT scan was clear so no worries there (!)
He said he would take another look though. So up went the tube and he inflated my lower bot to the size of the World Cup Football. Seems the dangly things they found last time were gone.... and nothing else was in sight.
His only explanation was that the nerve endings in my departure lounge were extremely sensitive. So I was told not to worry and if I bled again just go and see the doctor.....
So looks like I have to grin and derriere it for the rest of my life? If you wish to experience what it is like then go and find a porcupine and stick it about 3 inches up your bot. Should give you a fair idea. Is my mind put at rest now..........what do you think??
I was worried that they had not sent any suppositories this time so they could shine there huge torch up my nether regions.I need not have worried though, as whilst in the waiting room I was hit with a dose of the Gandhi's revenge, thus making my inner parts extremely clean and shiny!!!.
Whilst waiting they had to call security as a fight nearly broke out between two warring mothers and a very unruly kid. Actually this woman had 2 kids and one aged about 15 proceeded to wipe the NHS board showing what Doctors were on attendance, completely clean. The mother just laughed, so the other lady was quite within her rights to 'have a go'.
Unfortunately, before the punch up started I was called for my slot.
I saw a different Doctor this time who could not understand why I was still having problems? He told me that the CT scan was clear so no worries there (!)
He said he would take another look though. So up went the tube and he inflated my lower bot to the size of the World Cup Football. Seems the dangly things they found last time were gone.... and nothing else was in sight.
His only explanation was that the nerve endings in my departure lounge were extremely sensitive. So I was told not to worry and if I bled again just go and see the doctor.....
So looks like I have to grin and derriere it for the rest of my life? If you wish to experience what it is like then go and find a porcupine and stick it about 3 inches up your bot. Should give you a fair idea. Is my mind put at rest now..........what do you think??
Tuesday, 27 July 2010
McTavish
Being landed with some unexpected overtime I am writing this Blog from work......Aaaaaah
Watched a very interesting prog about the Amish religion last night. They sent 5 Amish teenagers over to the UK to see what our teenagers get up to. Needless to say they were shocked at the behaviour and customs of our acned youth? Not a good advert for Britain. Following that I watched a prog about forgeries in the UK. There are over 40 million fake one pound coins in circulation!!!!! which means you have or will have had in your possession a dud at some time or other??? Also a percentage of Hand held Credit/Terminals have been compromised whilst being made. They are fitted with a small mobile device that send your details straight to the thieving gits who are ripping you off. I think I will stay in from now on??
I can't believe that when I announced, that a lady in the audience was celebrating her 95th Birthday and that the request had come from her Mum and Dad...that someone believed me. They complained that I had not played Happy Birthday to them and when it was explained to them it was a joke ,they remarked 'Prat'....Hmmm Pot and Kettle me thinks.
Watched a very interesting prog about the Amish religion last night. They sent 5 Amish teenagers over to the UK to see what our teenagers get up to. Needless to say they were shocked at the behaviour and customs of our acned youth? Not a good advert for Britain. Following that I watched a prog about forgeries in the UK. There are over 40 million fake one pound coins in circulation!!!!! which means you have or will have had in your possession a dud at some time or other??? Also a percentage of Hand held Credit/Terminals have been compromised whilst being made. They are fitted with a small mobile device that send your details straight to the thieving gits who are ripping you off. I think I will stay in from now on??
I can't believe that when I announced, that a lady in the audience was celebrating her 95th Birthday and that the request had come from her Mum and Dad...that someone believed me. They complained that I had not played Happy Birthday to them and when it was explained to them it was a joke ,they remarked 'Prat'....Hmmm Pot and Kettle me thinks.
Monday, 26 July 2010
See Nile
It would seem that I was very tired on Sunday morning as I sent our Keyboard player an e mail at 2.20am. I have no recollection of sending it, which is really frightening as that means my memory is going. I went and saw the doc this morning and I explained i thought my memory was going. He asked me how long I had had the problem? I said what problem???
Lets count together.........One.
That's how many Funerals we have this week so have got to find some thing to do for the next 30hrs plus!!! More tiring than working flat out me thinks. Good blow over the weekend and nowIi need to do some serious practice after playing outside.
Lets count together.........One.
That's how many Funerals we have this week so have got to find some thing to do for the next 30hrs plus!!! More tiring than working flat out me thinks. Good blow over the weekend and nowIi need to do some serious practice after playing outside.
Sunday, 25 July 2010
Celeste
Apparently Playboy magazine are bringing out a new magazine for married men.
Every month the centerfold is of the same woman?
The Band played an outside gig last night in the picturesque grounds of Elvaston Castle. Most of the band gave their time for free to support the Sue Ryder charity. It would have been a great occasion but thanks to the weather, half term and ticket prices the audience was sparse. Some that were there had paid in advance for a ticket costing £12!!!!. Fact is, when they realised they were not going to get many folk the organisers reduced it to a fiver and had to refund some money back to those that had paid full price. To make money all they had to do was reduce the price to £5 per head then when you have a captive audience, hit them with a collection. I am sure the event will happen again and get much bigger but the charity really have to tweak the pricing structure.
As it was an outside Concert it was quite a hard blow. As one bloke put it 'This will bugger me embouchure up' and to be fair he was right. It seems to be a different way of blowing when you are outside and you have to over compensate, thus changing your lip. Oh it's a hard life being a musician.
Every month the centerfold is of the same woman?
The Band played an outside gig last night in the picturesque grounds of Elvaston Castle. Most of the band gave their time for free to support the Sue Ryder charity. It would have been a great occasion but thanks to the weather, half term and ticket prices the audience was sparse. Some that were there had paid in advance for a ticket costing £12!!!!. Fact is, when they realised they were not going to get many folk the organisers reduced it to a fiver and had to refund some money back to those that had paid full price. To make money all they had to do was reduce the price to £5 per head then when you have a captive audience, hit them with a collection. I am sure the event will happen again and get much bigger but the charity really have to tweak the pricing structure.
As it was an outside Concert it was quite a hard blow. As one bloke put it 'This will bugger me embouchure up' and to be fair he was right. It seems to be a different way of blowing when you are outside and you have to over compensate, thus changing your lip. Oh it's a hard life being a musician.
Saturday, 24 July 2010
Nice Pair
Before marriage a man yearns for the woman he loves..
After marriage the Y is dropped??
I am catching up on some tv progs I missed when on hols.
I was fascinated by the Bruce Forsyth documentary. My Dad insists that old Brucie is wearing a wig and is 100% positive of the fact?? If it is, it is a good one. I would love to play at an event he was at and do the walk around with the Trombones and try and hook it off. It would probably earn me a ride on Brucies Conveyor belt at the local Crem though?? Part of his fitness regime is twirling (good game) around 25 times. he then stops and does not even wobble. I tried it and was sick? My mate tried it and fell over. Way to go Brucie.
Out for lunch today and whilst in the restaurant heard a piece of music I really took to. Even though the place was heaving with customers the manager was kind enough to go into the back to get the title. Now that is service. By the way it was by Craig Armstrong, of which I have a few CD's.
Back to playing lead tonight so I hope my lip holds out???
After marriage the Y is dropped??
I am catching up on some tv progs I missed when on hols.
I was fascinated by the Bruce Forsyth documentary. My Dad insists that old Brucie is wearing a wig and is 100% positive of the fact?? If it is, it is a good one. I would love to play at an event he was at and do the walk around with the Trombones and try and hook it off. It would probably earn me a ride on Brucies Conveyor belt at the local Crem though?? Part of his fitness regime is twirling (good game) around 25 times. he then stops and does not even wobble. I tried it and was sick? My mate tried it and fell over. Way to go Brucie.
Out for lunch today and whilst in the restaurant heard a piece of music I really took to. Even though the place was heaving with customers the manager was kind enough to go into the back to get the title. Now that is service. By the way it was by Craig Armstrong, of which I have a few CD's.
Back to playing lead tonight so I hope my lip holds out???
Friday, 23 July 2010
L of a driver.
Apparently married life can be very frustrating? In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens?. In the third year they both speak and the neighbours listen???
This takes the Hob Nob. How can we expect normal motorists to respect corteges when Driving Instructors don't. Going round an island nose to tail with the Hearse. A driving Instructor tried to squeeze past and i had to swerve so they did not hit me??? They did not have a learner with them and were obviously rushing to the next lesson? I gave a suitable sign to let them know I was not a happy teddy. Now I hear you ask...was it a woman driver or a Man driver. Well I am not saying, but she did look quite nice!!!.
Good radio programme today about different ways to dispose of the body. You can now be melted in chemicals or frozen to -200 degrees and hit with an hammer and smashed into little bits. More like a case of rest in pieces.
This takes the Hob Nob. How can we expect normal motorists to respect corteges when Driving Instructors don't. Going round an island nose to tail with the Hearse. A driving Instructor tried to squeeze past and i had to swerve so they did not hit me??? They did not have a learner with them and were obviously rushing to the next lesson? I gave a suitable sign to let them know I was not a happy teddy. Now I hear you ask...was it a woman driver or a Man driver. Well I am not saying, but she did look quite nice!!!.
Good radio programme today about different ways to dispose of the body. You can now be melted in chemicals or frozen to -200 degrees and hit with an hammer and smashed into little bits. More like a case of rest in pieces.
Thursday, 22 July 2010
Titanic
In marriage the Bride gets a shower but for the Groom it's curtains.
By the way we went to a zoo while we were on Holiday. The only animal they had was a little furry dog.
It was a Shitzu...
I was looking forward last night, to a couple of beers and sitting and watching the telly. Of course the best laid plans never work. As I checked my e mails I noticed one from my Mobile Phone supplier telling me that there was an update for my phone. It warned me to back my phone up, but as I did not know how to do it, I thought sod it. Well it upgraded my software but wiped all my contacts and ring tones and photos from the memory. So I spent the next 3 hours downloading them all again. Being very late now I decided to get some kip. Because I had not let Barney the Hamster out I picked him up and kissed him on the back (I know, but deep down I am a softie) and said good night. I then went upstairs to clean my teeth (I keep them upstairs) as I started to brush and look in the mirror, I noticed a rather large Hamster Turd stuck to my top lip?? very Chaplainesk in a certain sort of way and disgusting in another??? Strange day.
I am always fascinated when the grave digger has done a re opener. I always ask how long the coffin has been interred and what condition it is in. There is no doubt that the condition of the soil has much to do with how long a coffin lasts. If you look around some old graves and they seem to have sunk, this is usually where the coffin lid has finally given away after many years of holding the weight of the soil up. As yet our grave digger has not found any treasures. That is apart from a peculiar cylindrical object with a piece of string attached. he thinks it was a Tampax but he was not sure what period it was from................sorry!!!!!!
By the way we went to a zoo while we were on Holiday. The only animal they had was a little furry dog.
It was a Shitzu...
I was looking forward last night, to a couple of beers and sitting and watching the telly. Of course the best laid plans never work. As I checked my e mails I noticed one from my Mobile Phone supplier telling me that there was an update for my phone. It warned me to back my phone up, but as I did not know how to do it, I thought sod it. Well it upgraded my software but wiped all my contacts and ring tones and photos from the memory. So I spent the next 3 hours downloading them all again. Being very late now I decided to get some kip. Because I had not let Barney the Hamster out I picked him up and kissed him on the back (I know, but deep down I am a softie) and said good night. I then went upstairs to clean my teeth (I keep them upstairs) as I started to brush and look in the mirror, I noticed a rather large Hamster Turd stuck to my top lip?? very Chaplainesk in a certain sort of way and disgusting in another??? Strange day.
I am always fascinated when the grave digger has done a re opener. I always ask how long the coffin has been interred and what condition it is in. There is no doubt that the condition of the soil has much to do with how long a coffin lasts. If you look around some old graves and they seem to have sunk, this is usually where the coffin lid has finally given away after many years of holding the weight of the soil up. As yet our grave digger has not found any treasures. That is apart from a peculiar cylindrical object with a piece of string attached. he thinks it was a Tampax but he was not sure what period it was from................sorry!!!!!!
Wednesday, 21 July 2010
Presents
Here is a brilliant tip for all those ladies out there that are thinking of getting married? To ensure that your hubbie to be, never forgets your anniversary, get married on his Birthday.
My lip lasted very well last night. At least it was ok for 2nd playing but I need to go up a notch for lead. We were discussing an old subject last night.
It was about music and tunes that bring memories back to us. Take an old lady of 90 living in a residential home today. Now she may be sat there listening to Vera Lynne singing Veal Meat Again (that's the German version!) Now what happens to a lad who today is 15 years old. In 75 years time when he is sitting in a rest home (where the average charge will be £250 per day) will he be listening to the rapper 50 cents singing about scoring a hit or shooting someone. Just imagine 30 of these people sat there listening to various Rap Artistes??? A Rest Home? I don't think so.
My lip lasted very well last night. At least it was ok for 2nd playing but I need to go up a notch for lead. We were discussing an old subject last night.
It was about music and tunes that bring memories back to us. Take an old lady of 90 living in a residential home today. Now she may be sat there listening to Vera Lynne singing Veal Meat Again (that's the German version!) Now what happens to a lad who today is 15 years old. In 75 years time when he is sitting in a rest home (where the average charge will be £250 per day) will he be listening to the rapper 50 cents singing about scoring a hit or shooting someone. Just imagine 30 of these people sat there listening to various Rap Artistes??? A Rest Home? I don't think so.
Tuesday, 20 July 2010
Pro Verb
I think it was Confucius who said, that it was almost impossible to gauge the happiness levels of a Married couple, just by observation alone. He went on to say, that some married folk hold hands, because if they let go, they would strangle each other?
Oh so good to be back at work and the cheery chats we have. I was taking the Vicar back today when he mentioned that he was going to visit a relative who had only a few months to live. Foolishly I asked what was wrong with them.... He replied that they had been diagnosed with IBS 5 years ago but it was something more serious....!!! Is someone having a laugh up there?
Anyway I could not give a monkeys, as I had a good holiday so there lol.
Back into a full concert tonight so I hope my lip holds out. Although with not playing lead on a Tuesday I can just chill and go along for the ride. You can tell it's holiday period as it is getting harder and harder to find 'deps' It's a good job that we take August off me thinks.
I bought a great Polo shirt on hol as it has the Skull and Cross Trombones!!! Quite apt for the Musical Undertaker don't you think???
Oh so good to be back at work and the cheery chats we have. I was taking the Vicar back today when he mentioned that he was going to visit a relative who had only a few months to live. Foolishly I asked what was wrong with them.... He replied that they had been diagnosed with IBS 5 years ago but it was something more serious....!!! Is someone having a laugh up there?
Anyway I could not give a monkeys, as I had a good holiday so there lol.
Back into a full concert tonight so I hope my lip holds out. Although with not playing lead on a Tuesday I can just chill and go along for the ride. You can tell it's holiday period as it is getting harder and harder to find 'deps' It's a good job that we take August off me thinks.
I bought a great Polo shirt on hol as it has the Skull and Cross Trombones!!! Quite apt for the Musical Undertaker don't you think???
Monday, 19 July 2010
My Mate
Whoever came up with the calculus that 'Two can live as cheaply as one' dropped a right left gonad. I seem to have spent an awful lot of money this hol. Was it worth it....oh yes.
I am back to the real world today and where I was dining on seafood and steak last week, I am now back to cream crackers and cup a soup!!!
Today it was in feet first. I dressed and stitched 2 bodies. Engraved some plates. Went on the hospital run.. and on a recce. All this before lunch.
I have managed to put 2x 1 hour sessions of practice, but my lip feels as though it belongs to Mick Jagger???
I am also now back in training (not beer as I am well trained in that after the hol) and trying to get 3 sessions in a week.
You know, I once went out with a girl who would let me lick all sorts of things off her body. Jam, butter, marmite...she was a cracker!!!
By the way the video below is me feeding the gulls. The yell is when one dive bombed my head thinking it was a landing strip...
I am back to the real world today and where I was dining on seafood and steak last week, I am now back to cream crackers and cup a soup!!!
Today it was in feet first. I dressed and stitched 2 bodies. Engraved some plates. Went on the hospital run.. and on a recce. All this before lunch.
I have managed to put 2x 1 hour sessions of practice, but my lip feels as though it belongs to Mick Jagger???
I am also now back in training (not beer as I am well trained in that after the hol) and trying to get 3 sessions in a week.
You know, I once went out with a girl who would let me lick all sorts of things off her body. Jam, butter, marmite...she was a cracker!!!
By the way the video below is me feeding the gulls. The yell is when one dive bombed my head thinking it was a landing strip...
Sunday, 18 July 2010
Robinson Caruso
Do you know what it means, to come home at night to a woman who will give you a little love, a little cuddle and a little tenderness? It means you are in the wrong house, that's what it means?
Received a call today to tell me that one of our Band composers was on the radio. I wont mention his age but I am so proud of him as he has written the music and lyrics all by himself and it will last the test of time. They played a couple of our tracks as well from many years ago.
The photo by the way is of one very tame seagull. (I love seagulls) I was only a foot away when people started taking photo's so I quickly announced that I was it's agent and all photo's would cost a pound!!! Didn't make anything though as they did not believe me?????
I have always wanted a dog and bought one back with me? Ok it's made out of plaster but it don't half look real laying in front of the telly.
About half way to Yorkshire we stopped at a service station to buy a £8 cup of coffee. A small world certainly as I bumped into a fellow (fellowess as she is a girlie) Trombone player. Amazing as i had not seen her for ages?
Well it is back to reality as from tomorrow and dead world........lets hope the memories of the holiday will cushion the blow?
Saturday, 17 July 2010
Deposit
Well I can honestly say that this was the best hol I have had in a long time.
Ok there were a few 'botty' moments and my average kip was 4 hours a night, but it was brilliant. In the whole week we travelled about 750 miles. There were no major issues as some of the hols have thrown at us. No Car crashes. No vandalism, No punctures etc. However we did meet a couple of Seagulls with IBS who directed there 'bum torpedoes' at us and got direct hits. Plus on the first day a rogue wasp flew up the back of my t shirt and stung me a few times. This came up in a big lump on my back and my partner was pigged off that for the next day I walked around in a stooping fashion shouting 'The Bells...The Bells'
We went to Whitby...Robin Hoods Bay.Port Mulgrave...Scarboro (dump) Beamish......Sandsend..... and my favourite place and where I want to retire to.....Staithes.
Strangely, I spoke to more of the band and potential bookers on my mobile than I would have done if I was at home. But as I could not reply to e mails and my partner was giving me the 'evils' I tried to do it discreetly. It took a lot of will power, but I did not take my 'bone' on Holiday!!! However I did try to 'buzz' (is that wasp back?) a couple of times to try and keep my lip in.
Bloody good time. Now wheres my Funeral kit...................
Ok there were a few 'botty' moments and my average kip was 4 hours a night, but it was brilliant. In the whole week we travelled about 750 miles. There were no major issues as some of the hols have thrown at us. No Car crashes. No vandalism, No punctures etc. However we did meet a couple of Seagulls with IBS who directed there 'bum torpedoes' at us and got direct hits. Plus on the first day a rogue wasp flew up the back of my t shirt and stung me a few times. This came up in a big lump on my back and my partner was pigged off that for the next day I walked around in a stooping fashion shouting 'The Bells...The Bells'
We went to Whitby...Robin Hoods Bay.Port Mulgrave...Scarboro (dump) Beamish......Sandsend..... and my favourite place and where I want to retire to.....Staithes.
Strangely, I spoke to more of the band and potential bookers on my mobile than I would have done if I was at home. But as I could not reply to e mails and my partner was giving me the 'evils' I tried to do it discreetly. It took a lot of will power, but I did not take my 'bone' on Holiday!!! However I did try to 'buzz' (is that wasp back?) a couple of times to try and keep my lip in.
Bloody good time. Now wheres my Funeral kit...................
Friday, 9 July 2010
Cattle
I have given up reading Horoscopes in the paper. How can one star sign prediction be applicable to millions of people. I do know that I am a water sign and my partner is an earth sign so together we make mud???
After 15 years together we are very happy. In fact we wake up in the night and laugh at each other?
Marriage ain't for me though.
I mean look at it this way. Bigamy is having one wife to many and Monogamy is the same thing isn't it???
Had plenty of time to think, read and relax this week but the old IBS? is still playing up. To a lesser extent I agree but it is still niggling me with an annoying prod.
It seems though, that as I have got older I do not really care anymore about what life throws at me? I am not sure if this is due to working as an Undertaker and seeing so many horrible things, or I have just shut down emotionally?? Whatever it is, I prefer it. The 'what ifs' have controlled my life for too long so I am trying to replace them with the 'So what's'!!!
Managed to get a decent amount of practice in this week so hopefully that will suffice for the time being. I still carry the mouthpiece in the car and 'buzz' now and again. Not sure how that would look on a charge sheet if the Police stopped me though?
After 15 years together we are very happy. In fact we wake up in the night and laugh at each other?
Marriage ain't for me though.
I mean look at it this way. Bigamy is having one wife to many and Monogamy is the same thing isn't it???
Had plenty of time to think, read and relax this week but the old IBS? is still playing up. To a lesser extent I agree but it is still niggling me with an annoying prod.
It seems though, that as I have got older I do not really care anymore about what life throws at me? I am not sure if this is due to working as an Undertaker and seeing so many horrible things, or I have just shut down emotionally?? Whatever it is, I prefer it. The 'what ifs' have controlled my life for too long so I am trying to replace them with the 'So what's'!!!
Managed to get a decent amount of practice in this week so hopefully that will suffice for the time being. I still carry the mouthpiece in the car and 'buzz' now and again. Not sure how that would look on a charge sheet if the Police stopped me though?
Thursday, 8 July 2010
Labour
I had this brill dream last night. I was holding this beautiful woman in my arms. Her lips were on fire, she was hot to the touch and she was trembling. Then I realised it was Cheryl Cole (Tweedy) and she had Malaria?
I am no snob...but. I went to our local shopping centre this morning. Now it is renown for being the meeting place of out of works and rough ones (as well as some decent folk).
But I was fascinated watching a very heavily pregnant woman. She was smoking. Every other word was 'F' Her partner looked like he had fallen head first into a fishing tackle box and could only manage the occasional grunt. I just thought to myself 'What chance has that baby got?'
I know it will probably be a prospective candidate for the Jeremy Kyle show but it was so sad. I just had to look around and there were plenty more like her. I know it's all to do with upbringing, but what is missing is 'pride' Sad sad country.
The Band nearly did not perform last night, after a fire broke out earlier in the day at the venue. Hot stuff our Band.
I am no snob...but. I went to our local shopping centre this morning. Now it is renown for being the meeting place of out of works and rough ones (as well as some decent folk).
But I was fascinated watching a very heavily pregnant woman. She was smoking. Every other word was 'F' Her partner looked like he had fallen head first into a fishing tackle box and could only manage the occasional grunt. I just thought to myself 'What chance has that baby got?'
I know it will probably be a prospective candidate for the Jeremy Kyle show but it was so sad. I just had to look around and there were plenty more like her. I know it's all to do with upbringing, but what is missing is 'pride' Sad sad country.
The Band nearly did not perform last night, after a fire broke out earlier in the day at the venue. Hot stuff our Band.
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
Carpenter
It's amazing what a well written e-mail can do to get things moving. I had a call this morning to say my new specs were ready?? Not bad for saying they were sent all the way to Birmingham to be made up. So another e mail was sent to thank them and the employee concerned. I can't actually see out of them but quick service never the less?
I have found a cunning way not to have to rush to the bog in the day. It was quite simple really...I just don't eat. However copious amounts of black coffee calms the hunger pangs and I have a big meal at night? Symbols.
I have always believed that you should live every day as if it were your last. Which probably explains why I never have any clean pants.
I mean who wants to do any washing, if it is your last day on earth????
I have never really been lucky in love. in fact one day I called one of these sex chat phone lines. I paid the money and was connected to a girl. But all she said was 'Not tonight love, I have got earache!!!'
I need to do an heavy practice session tonight as the last few days have only been 15 minute sessions. I have got it down to a fine art of multi tasking. I do the flexibility exercises while I watch a DVD.
I have found a cunning way not to have to rush to the bog in the day. It was quite simple really...I just don't eat. However copious amounts of black coffee calms the hunger pangs and I have a big meal at night? Symbols.
I have always believed that you should live every day as if it were your last. Which probably explains why I never have any clean pants.
I mean who wants to do any washing, if it is your last day on earth????
I have never really been lucky in love. in fact one day I called one of these sex chat phone lines. I paid the money and was connected to a girl. But all she said was 'Not tonight love, I have got earache!!!'
I need to do an heavy practice session tonight as the last few days have only been 15 minute sessions. I have got it down to a fine art of multi tasking. I do the flexibility exercises while I watch a DVD.
Tuesday, 6 July 2010
Spectacular
I visited the opticians yesterday to get my eyes checked and buy new glasses. They usually do an hours service but after paying ,they then let me know that it would take a week?? So bang goes the new specs for my hols.
I noticed that they did contact lenses. They do stained glass one's, for people who want to sleep in church!!
I offered my old Sat Nav for sale to the Band. It was snapped up in a few minutes. I also offered a cheaper version which consisted of Roy the Wallet sitting in the back of their car reading from a 1986 AA road map!
So far no offers.
Back into town today and bumped into our vocalist and wife, I nearly did not recognise them with their clothes on (meaning I usually see him in Band kit)
I have to say that yesterday was brill botty wise,but today is pay back time but I stayed the course.
Another gun man on the loose in the UK. How do they sleep at night. They need to do the decent thing and get rid of themselves ,otherwise the tax payer will be looking after another piece of dross for the rest of their lives.
My girlfriend says that I am far to nosy. At least that is what she has written in her diary.
I noticed that they did contact lenses. They do stained glass one's, for people who want to sleep in church!!
I offered my old Sat Nav for sale to the Band. It was snapped up in a few minutes. I also offered a cheaper version which consisted of Roy the Wallet sitting in the back of their car reading from a 1986 AA road map!
So far no offers.
Back into town today and bumped into our vocalist and wife, I nearly did not recognise them with their clothes on (meaning I usually see him in Band kit)
I have to say that yesterday was brill botty wise,but today is pay back time but I stayed the course.
Another gun man on the loose in the UK. How do they sleep at night. They need to do the decent thing and get rid of themselves ,otherwise the tax payer will be looking after another piece of dross for the rest of their lives.
My girlfriend says that I am far to nosy. At least that is what she has written in her diary.
Monday, 5 July 2010
Good Cod
I am just starting a few days off so today went into town.
I had read in the papers about a new gimmick. Apparently you pay to stick your feet in a fish tank and these special breed of fish (not Piranha's) gather round and eat the dead skin off? It is supposed to be very relaxing so I thought ' I will have some of that'.
The shop must have had 12 tanks full of these strange fish. However not one of them would come near my feet!!!! Now is this telling me something? The last time I bought odour eaters my shoes ate them????
I managed to have a bite to eat without rushing to the bog which is a bonus, however sat here typing this there are rumblings afoot (smelly ones)
I also bumped into a girl who I had not seen for years. I can't have changed that much as she recognised me (only a face a mother ....etc)
Her ex hubbie was my best friend many years ago and she left him 15 years ago because of his drinking??? he is a big lad and can sup loads. Trouble is, he still has not slowed down which is a great shame as she said that she can't believe he is still alive with the amount he is drinking. Very Sad but not uncommon in this fast paced stressful life we lead.
And finally words of wisdom.
You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you knew how seldom they do!!!
I had read in the papers about a new gimmick. Apparently you pay to stick your feet in a fish tank and these special breed of fish (not Piranha's) gather round and eat the dead skin off? It is supposed to be very relaxing so I thought ' I will have some of that'.
The shop must have had 12 tanks full of these strange fish. However not one of them would come near my feet!!!! Now is this telling me something? The last time I bought odour eaters my shoes ate them????
I managed to have a bite to eat without rushing to the bog which is a bonus, however sat here typing this there are rumblings afoot (smelly ones)
I also bumped into a girl who I had not seen for years. I can't have changed that much as she recognised me (only a face a mother ....etc)
Her ex hubbie was my best friend many years ago and she left him 15 years ago because of his drinking??? he is a big lad and can sup loads. Trouble is, he still has not slowed down which is a great shame as she said that she can't believe he is still alive with the amount he is drinking. Very Sad but not uncommon in this fast paced stressful life we lead.
And finally words of wisdom.
You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you knew how seldom they do!!!
Sunday, 4 July 2010
I
The Internet can be a great resource for information, including checking on any disease you may have, It would seem that the only disease I don't have is Hypochondria? My online symptom test showed that maybe I should be intended to live on another planet????
I went back to the 70s last night and had a couple of Lager and Blacks. Some folk asked me what the heck I was drinking. I made a name up and said it was called 'Parisian Nights??' and gave them a sip. They all said how nice it tasted and would get one for themselves. I would like to have been at the Bar when they ordered a night in France!!!!
Very quiet little gig last night where the ratio was 2 audience to 1 Band member. It was a nice 'do' though and the Band played very well.
That's my playing done now for a couple of weeks but I will still try to keep up some form of practice.
Was handed an article last night that inferred that Glenn Miller did not die in a plane crash but was instead a spy???? I have one word for that and it begins with a B and ends in an S.
I still liked the theory though that his plane may have crashed head first into a boggy marsh in the Chilterns and still may be there today??? It is on the flight plan so it is plausible.
Will we ever know????
I went back to the 70s last night and had a couple of Lager and Blacks. Some folk asked me what the heck I was drinking. I made a name up and said it was called 'Parisian Nights??' and gave them a sip. They all said how nice it tasted and would get one for themselves. I would like to have been at the Bar when they ordered a night in France!!!!
Very quiet little gig last night where the ratio was 2 audience to 1 Band member. It was a nice 'do' though and the Band played very well.
That's my playing done now for a couple of weeks but I will still try to keep up some form of practice.
Was handed an article last night that inferred that Glenn Miller did not die in a plane crash but was instead a spy???? I have one word for that and it begins with a B and ends in an S.
I still liked the theory though that his plane may have crashed head first into a boggy marsh in the Chilterns and still may be there today??? It is on the flight plan so it is plausible.
Will we ever know????
Saturday, 3 July 2010
In loo
To be honest I am quite anxious about going away. At least here, I know where all the bogs are and as things are not getting any better, I certainly need them?
I have just purchased a new Sat Nav and whilst it has the location of speed cameras and interesting place, there is not a bog alert in sight?
I was looking forward to try and catch up with some sleep this morning (have I got 100 years???) but at 7.15am the postie was battering my door down to deliver a parcel? Nice, could I get off again!!!!
Apparently at the new Hospital they have a deaf Gynecologist.
He can read lips
I have just purchased a new Sat Nav and whilst it has the location of speed cameras and interesting place, there is not a bog alert in sight?
I was looking forward to try and catch up with some sleep this morning (have I got 100 years???) but at 7.15am the postie was battering my door down to deliver a parcel? Nice, could I get off again!!!!
Apparently at the new Hospital they have a deaf Gynecologist.
He can read lips
Friday, 2 July 2010
Bed doddy
I was on the radio again today. The presenter said it was the funniest story he had heard???? I thought it might be a bit sensitive as it was about a dead body? As far as I know, no one called in to complain.
All the staff gathered around the radio to have a listen.
Now nothing had happened all day, but as it came on the radio, a lorry delivering coffins arrived, the phone started ringing and someone came to the door?????
It's been a real struggle this week with the old bot so the days can't pass quick enough until I get my appointment. Oh joy.
Many years ago I was really into running and entered all sorts of races up to Half marathon. I wasn't very fast and once I was in last place. Just coming up to the finishing line,the runner in front was taking the mickey asking what it was like to finish last. I said 'I don't know, you tell me' and I dropped out!!!
All the staff gathered around the radio to have a listen.
Now nothing had happened all day, but as it came on the radio, a lorry delivering coffins arrived, the phone started ringing and someone came to the door?????
It's been a real struggle this week with the old bot so the days can't pass quick enough until I get my appointment. Oh joy.
Many years ago I was really into running and entered all sorts of races up to Half marathon. I wasn't very fast and once I was in last place. Just coming up to the finishing line,the runner in front was taking the mickey asking what it was like to finish last. I said 'I don't know, you tell me' and I dropped out!!!
Thursday, 1 July 2010
Chalk
One of my work colleagues is going back to University.
He is studying the physics of old Cheddar.
He is a mature student!!!
I am mortuaried out today. 3 visits and umpteen stretcher removals. I will be glad of a break.
We were horrified to see how many large people were visiting the hospital. One lady was so fat that her VPL was around her ankles?
And finally.
Whats the difference between a Woman and a Volcano???
A Volcano does not fake eruptions!!!
He is studying the physics of old Cheddar.
He is a mature student!!!
I am mortuaried out today. 3 visits and umpteen stretcher removals. I will be glad of a break.
We were horrified to see how many large people were visiting the hospital. One lady was so fat that her VPL was around her ankles?
And finally.
Whats the difference between a Woman and a Volcano???
A Volcano does not fake eruptions!!!
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