Tardis

Because this is a USA hosted web site I am typing this in the early hours of Monday morning but it will show as Sunday ...very confusing.
The trio of weekend gigs finished tonight with a Dance on our own patch. A full house and lots of new faces. I was very pleasantly surprised when a member of the audience came up and answered a question I had been mulling over on this very blog. It was about the Classical composers and the musicians they employed. Not only was she very attractive she was also very knowledgeable about court musicians and their connections with the great composers. What she told me all made sense and it was great to get feedback.
The strangest story i have read this week is about a herd of Cows in Austria. Over the last 3 days 28 cows have jumped to their deaths off a mountain?? That bit is true but you have to make your own mind up that it is a coincidence that Roy the Wallet was in the area at the time and offered to buy a round in a local bar!!!
Have to say I marked myself 8 out of 10 for Under my Skin solo tonight. Close but not perfect.
I spent a lazy afternoon watching movies today. One film was about the aircraft carrier Nimitz going back in time to the day before the attack on Pearl Harbour. Which again made me think (I know!) if we could go back in a time machine what part of history would we change. Just think you could go to White chapel and foil Jack the Rippers antics. Even to the Theatre box where Abraham Lincoln sat and ask him to change seats... the options are endless and my how much we could change with our knowledge of history.
Me I would go back and stop Roy the Wallet nicking my girlfriend (yes mate 35 years and I still remember lol)

Key of the Door

A brilliant gig last night but you would be forgiven for thinking it was the middle of winter and not the end of August as it was freezing. Nice load of food layed on for the Band and I am sure I saw Roy the Wallet filling a suitcase as a doggy bag?
Our Female vocalist had a new dress (one of a hundred) she looked great. It's amazing what Primark can produce for so little! Actually it was another Bingo Dress 'Eye's down and look in' as most of the Band did. I dont think there is anyone who can touch the Band now as it has gone from strength to strength and providing a great show and entertainment. Still one more gig to play at and it will be the end of a tiring weekend but well worth it though.

Freeman

Now I am not saying this because I know the people who's 'do' it was last night, but I had a thoroughly enjoyable evening. First in a long time. Ok I cocked up the latter part of Under My Skin and fluffed a couple in a solo but hey what the heck I had a nice time. I have to learn that this new mouthpiece does not require the pressure of the old one and it's a matter of being confident with it but after a long lay off I can't be to hard on myself. If I did not work for a living I would be committed to putting a couple of hours practice in every day. But I do so I can't!! I did something silly last night when I got in. I got on the PC and an anxiety web site chat room. I was embroiled in my usual advice giving session around the world when I suddenly realised it was 3am? Seeing I was awake at 6 that was a shorter night than usual for me.
Off to Lincolnshire for the next gig and another late/early morning.

Record

We had to struggle to dress someone in Full Evening dress the other day. As always, not the easiest thing to do especially when no one was coming to view the body!! However I have to say that he looked smarter than me when I don my DJ's for the Band??
The credit crunch is digging in a little at our place as there is not much work on and next week we are back to being fully staffed. I just know that I have to keep busy as it is better for me, so i do not know what I am going to do.
Will see tonight if the few minutes of blowing every night has paid off as we have a full 3 hour Dance to play at. I have the solo Under My Skin again which should be interesting. A bit like asking a top runner to run a marathon after month off full training.....sweet!

Cabaret

I have my own web site dealing with Anxiety and Depression and the likes. Since launching it fully on the Internet I am getting more and more requests for advice from around the world,of which I gladly give. It is such a shame that so many people are trapped by this awful condition. Some never go out ,to scared to leave their homes. To the 'well' person this is incomprehensible, and I wish 'they' could experience the affects just once. I do not have a cure but I try and show what you can achieve if you just keep fighting. I wish I could talk to them face to face as so many seem like really decent people and it is not there fault. However most do blame themselves and it becomes a vicious circle of self hate thus compounding the anxiety. They feel worthless and unloved, and yet if they look deep inside they have so much to give. I wish I could do more.
On a lighter note its almost time to dust the cobwebs off the old bone and get back on the road. Its strange but feels as though I have never been off it lol.
I can't wait to win the lottery so that I can write my letter about peoples strange requests at Funerals. We had one not long ago that insisted they wanted a dark green frill around the coffin. When it was sent to us after being specially made they said 'ooooh we don't like it??? it's to morbid'
My God death is morbid !!What does go through folks minds???

LIstzless

Having had another bad night last night I lay awake listening to Classical music. I was wondering to myself how the great Composers got on for musicians and which came first. Bit like the chicken and the egg I suppose. I mean old Beethoven is beavering away with his quill writing down the dots of some great Opus? But where are the musicians and what are they doing. I mean how could they have been of a high standard as there were no Big music shops to go along to and purchase some sight reading? Did they practice all day waiting for one of the composers to write a masterpiece? Even better how did old Brahms contact the musicians when he wanted to get them together for a blow and a pluck? text e mail...carrier pidgeon. Were they pro musicians or did they have a day job cleaning the inns and stables etc??? Oh it's a mystery really but then again I am sure one night I will have plenty of time to solve ye olde problem?

Weird

During my drive into work this morning I was deep in thought as usual. I suddenly thought about brilliant trombone players and a coincidence that most of there surnames began with 'W'!!
Of course there is the famous Bill Watrous and Jiggs Wigham. But more locally and those that I know are Woodhouse, Walker, Wilson, Williams and Warburton.....Oh no I forgot, that's my favourite bread.!!! Spooky or what?
I suppose if I turned the initial of my surname upside down I would be in with a chance!!! No not at all!

Ga Ga

Just a last word on the phone I tried to sell on Amazon. I e-mailed Amazon to say that I had received it back and was quite prepared to send it to them for inspection as they had basically called me a liar in that it was misrepresented on there site.. Guess what. No reply. You can never win with the Big Boys but at least I gave it a go. I have finished trading with them now. Not that my small input would make much difference to a multi million pound business but I still have pride and principals. Was sent a text by a loyal Band fan yesterday to tell me that I was on the radio! I was also called by a fellow undertaker from another company that had heard a track? Nice to know that maybe I did get a few people humming along to a nice, if not clever, tune.
Monday has been and gone and for saying we had no work I managed to find a few jobs to do. If only all days could be as good as today!

Tandem

It was a fellow musicians 60th Birthday yesterday and I decided to bike it to his house. I forgot that the route was mostly uphill so I was knackered by the time I got there. I only knew a couple of people as most of the folk were family or work colleagues but I had a good chat with Derek the Bass and Sam the Sax so quite a pleasant 2 hours. I have to say that after a couple of tins of the 'wobbly' juice the ride home was much more pleasant. We do not have much work on this week which is fateful for me as I need to keep my mind occupied. It is much harder work trying to look busy and find things to do than actually being rushed off your feet?
Only a week to go now and then we start back on the Big band trail with 3 gigs one after another. I have appreciated the rest from it all, but still had to try and keep the old lip in the best I could so we will see if it was enough next week!

Tide

When the lounge got decorated over 4 weeks ago I removed a clock from the wall that had been there for years. Even today I am still looking up at the place it hung to read the time. Just shows you how hard it is to unlearn things in your life. That also goes for things you may have seen or learned in your childhood , which is probably why I have the problems I do today lol?
I was well chuffed that I thought I had found a way to stop the cats pooping on my lawn. That was until I went to mow it and found they have now moved to the soil border and there was much more than before. I am not exaggerating when I say that there are at least 14 cats in our small Close not to mention the Foxes that visit at 10.30pm every night. It would seem that every one of them have a Sat Nav directed to my house. Next stop Shotgun!.

Sheep

I slept like a baby last night...woke up every hour crying. Actually this Insomnia that has cursed my life is a pain in the derriere, However if you look at sleepnet.com it just shows you how many people around the world are plagued with it. I did oversleep though once this week, and it was because I had such a bad night. The next day though I misread my watch and rang work to apologise I was going to be late, only to find out I had got the time wrong by an hour on my hew hard to read watch!!! and in fact it was only 7.55 instead of 8.55 doh.

Naughty Step

I have learned something else about myself today. Although the buyer of the phone lied abouts its condition I actually received the phone back intact today? So I feel suitably humbled on this occasion, but not with Amazon who treated me like poo.
It is rumored that Roy the wallet is playing exceptionally well at this time. So much so that we are going to have him Gender tested!!! Well if its good enough for the Athletics, its good enough for us?

Jungle Book

Well Amazon have decided that I am a liar reference the phone I sold and have found in favour of the buyer (which they always do??) So the buyer gets a full refund and possibly gets to keep the phone as well? Lesson learned and I will never buy or sell with this company again as so many people have been ripped off. The bad guys know this and keep on scamming, drawing on the honesty of the seller and using it against them!! I will keep you posted as to if the phone arrives or not. There are 3 options here 1. It arrives (unlikely) 2. They tell Amazon they have posted it but haven't (most likely) 3. They send an empty box (evens)
On the news this morning it said that 60% of Council Tenants do not pay rent, I presume this means that they do not pay community charge either? I really am sick and tired of this. All it would take is the 'good' folk to stick together and not pay their community charge for a designated month to make a point? The system would not be able to cope and the message would surely get across that we are fed up of subsidising the lazy and the scroungers.
My sense of humour is gradually wearing thin as I just can't understand why we all take it. I can pride myself that I have tried to do something be it letters to the press or online forums etc but what difference can the few make? Britain stand up for yourself before it's to late. or maybe it is!

Renoir

Back to work today. We all have a Telephone Voice i.e the voice we use in a business like manner to talk to customers. However it would see that mine has changed gender. Having taken a time for a viewing this week the person rang back asking if they could speak to the lady that they had just spoken to!!!! Blinking eck I know I have been under the weather, but my gonads are still intact?
Spent yesterday painting the eaves at my Partners Mums house. My partner is a bit of an artist but I was pleased to note that I finished up fairly paint free whilst she looked like a fine example of modern art with splashes and runs everywhere!
The old practice has taken a down turn this week and my lip is well out of sorts. Must try and motivate myself a bit more this week.

Me and my mate at work are fascinated by Mausoleums. We both would like to travel to the USA and inspect famous peoples last resting places. I have been to a local Mausoleum today (left) and I must admit they are beautiful things. However I think most folk think, that come the day of the Resurrection where everyone comes back to life! they have a better chance than being buried under 6 feet of damp soil. However unless they are buried with a sledge hammer and chisel, I am afraid it is going to be much harder owing to the couple of tons of breeze block that is cemented into place. Not to mention the humungous piece of Marble to cover the bricks? Still very nice to look at though and a snip at well over £15,00+. I am not even sure if the resting place is only valid for 99 years, like graves so need to do research on that one.

Still no cat poo hooray. back to work Monday Boo.

Art

I have had a great week off and one of the many things I wanted to do was sit in the public gallery at Crown Court. This I did today and it was fascinating if not a tad frustrating.
I listened to a range of cases from Sexual Abuse to under age purchase of alcohol. This last case was interesting as the shop owners were of Eastern Religion and had sold a bottle of wine to a 15 year old whilst in the presence of a plain clothes Police Woman. The shop keeper decided to represent herself but had to use an interpreter.... that is until she forgot and spoke perfect English of which the judge picked up on straight away. The poor police lady was put under all sorts of stupid questions and even the judge got frustrated. I managed to have a chat with the police woman after the case. They had dragged her in on her day off. It is no wonder there are not enough policemen on the streets when they are tied up with petty bureaucracy and paperwork.
I also am probably in trouble again as I have had another letter published in the local paper. This was in reply to the Capital Punishment debate that is going on within its pages. I still feel strongly about the fact but will wait and see what response it brings.
My partner tells me off for being too opinionated but I like to think that I have tried to do something in this life and not just sat back moaning.
We have just had another gig cancelled due to lack of ticket sales. This credit crunch is still having an impact on people me thinks?
Strange there was no cat poo on my lawn this morning ......revenge is sweet (and sour)

cold in here

Look like I am up s**t creek without a paddle with regards to the phone. It would seem that this well known online shop always find in favour of the buyer and reimburse even before the seller gets there goods back and they invariably don't as this is a scam. One poor seller reimbursed for a Computer and received a parcel which he signed for. Only thing is in the parcel was some old towels and underwear. The online shop had a tracking number for the parcel and as far as they were concerned it was the Computer. Seller lost and buyer went on to scam more people. Anyone who knows me, know that I hate bullies and any kind of cheating (I learned the hard way) and I would willingly drive to Scotland where this foreign person lives and deal with it myself. Only thing is I would probably end up in the cells. As my partner says...put it down to experience.
While I am moaning as usual the b****y cats are still using my front garden as the community bog. I devised a cunning plan in my head where a large spike is triggered if they step on the lawn and ....bang...right up the japs eye. Knowing my luck though I would forget and end up in casualty myself. I have still taken revenge though using a few things from the orient.....but I can't say what!! But as Johnny cash once sang... I fell into a burning ring of fire......oh revenge.

The return

I have this inner voice. Most people call it a gut feeling. When I get them they are more than often correct. As in this case. A few months ago I purchased an all singing all dancing mobile phone. This mainly was to help me stay in touch with the Bands day to day running. However although it did everything I found I did not need it as much as I expected. When i read the review on the phone the only downside was battery life. Anyway I decided to sell on a well know auction site. It was a bargain price I advertised it for and I enclosed a few extras. I had a buyer, but for some unknown reasons the inner voice said' watch out' I sent the phone registered although I had no need to. The phone was tracked and signed for. 6 days on i get an e mail from the buyer saying they don't like it and want their money back??? Now the warning bells are that I would issue a refund and never see the phone again. I of course would ask them first to send it back registered and in the condition sent but they are not going for this and anyway they are saying things are wrong with the phone that certainly were not when it left?. So I have a bit of a battle on my hands at this time. Having rang the auction people it seems that it is up to me what I do. So b****s to them?
Been to the Peak District today all on my own without my partner. I have to say that going alone is pretty miserable and I missed her nipping in and out of shops and moaning at me etc. The lesson here is you don't appreciate things until you lose them or are not there.
Sat through 3 hours of Harry Potter last night the only bonus was seeing Hemonie Grainger all grown up phwoarr.

Flat mate

Down the Motorway last night to play in another Band. One thing I have noticed is my eyesight is getting really bad. It did not help that there were no lights over the stands but I was still squinting to make out the dots which ain't good. I can imagine the audience wondering who the Chinese man was sat in the Trom section??
Decided I would go for a bike ride today only to find I had a massive puncture. I had to buy a new inner tube as it was so bad and I had not changed a bike wheel since I was a kid (penny farthings were made to last in them days.) Thing is bikes were simpler in the old days (eeeeh I remember when...etc) and there were none of these fiddly 20 gear things to contend with. An hour later and covered in Grease I managed to get the wheel back on, only to find the chain was off the sprocket thrust dangler gizmo. So off came the wheel again... anyway I finally managed a couple of hours in the Country. Off to watch Arry Potter tonight which I am told is the boring est one yet but as long as I don't get a snotty noisy kid sat behind me, I am sure I will survive it?

Pierrpoint

Two years ago the small Band performed at a Church Concert. It was memorable for me as we got a standing ovation at the end of it. We may be performing again this year but this time we are doing the whole show with no supporting act. The acoustics are always good in a Church just like playing in the bog or bathroom it gives you that slight echo and helps the old embouchure. Mind you I have difficulty getting into 7th position when I am in the shower, but that's my age I suppose. I am off to dep in another band so goodness knows what I will get put in front of me to play. Always a challenge. A big debate going off in our local paper today debating bringing back the Death penalty. If it went to a public vote I am sure it would come back. But the PC brigade wont let that happen. I believe Civil Liberties are destroying the very infrastructure of the legal system. If they wanted a volunteer for Hangman i would have no hesitation, although I do think in this day and age it is far to barbaric.

1001

A case of 'dog napping' today as we went to a westie show There were various categories to enter so I went in for Best Looking Handler...actually I misheard as it was best looking dog. Unfortunately we both lost that one. They only had one CD as background music and that was old Robbie Williams Swing when your winning. This was played constantly for 4 whole hours? so now I have Something Stupid going through my head (come to think of it I have that most of the time?)
I borrowed a Carpet shampooer from a bloke at work and I know I should have listened to his brief on how to use the thing, but I didn't. So I have spent most of tonight sucking gallons of water and foam from the carpets (I think I got the mixture a little wrong) still lovely white carpets now, although they were red when I started?

Divine

Something happened today that may never happen again. At precisely 12.34 and 56 seconds to be accurate. You see if you add the date as well it would read 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9 ???
Water meters are great you know as they can save you shed loads of money...that is until something goes wrong. We have a meter at work but for many days now we have been hearing a strange rushing noise. Turns out we have a leak and the meter is spinning round faster than Roy the wallet finding out it is his round! Could cost a fortune as it is the firms responsibility. I have a concert on Monday so trying to practice a bit more as I do not know what I am going to get.
A good day today as my body seems to be working on 4 valves which it hasn't for a long while.
Oh and P.S The world is going to end on the 21st December 2012....don't believe me ...well type the date in a search engine and look for the Mayan Calenders prophecies...were dooooomed! I say dooooomed!

Patch

The funeral took place today of the last man alive to fight in the trenches in the First World War. At 111 years old he could not talk about what he had seen for many years. Apparently in one of his memories he came across a wounded soldier who was gravely injured. the soldier asked him to shoot him, but before he could draw his pistol the soldier died. He recounted the last word the soldier said was 'Mother'. It was not said in an agonised way but in a surprised way so much so that it was as if he had seen her waiting for him? I am not surprised at this as i know of a few stories where this has happened. I do believe in another life and I do believe what we do in this life is taken into account.

Bumps

I feel rough today but it may be due to the 3 pints I consumed last night? Went to see a jazz band play and had a thoroughly great evening. It was nice to see so many familiar faces and also just be able to sit and listen. All in all a great birthday but I am shattered today. The trombonist made it look so easy in the way he played. Also a brilliant trumpeter in the Band who knew the meanings of light and shade in his playing. This chap has done some stuff on the Tomb Raider orchestrations and is a real nice bloke, and I was really chuffed when he remembered me. I know my place in the music world and my forte seems to be playing lush ballads. I can live with that as the other things are still way out of reach compared to last night.

Wash and Go

So how do you celebrate your Birthday. Maybe a meal and a glass of wine or the movies or a show?? Me I end up doing three Funerals, one of which is a baby and also get to wash and dry a dead persons hair! Memorable though. When I was serving in Germany a medium told me that at age 34 she could see that heavy chains that had been holding me down, disappear....I thought the time difference between the UK and Deutchland was only an hour not 20 odd years? Oh well if I can hang on another 47 years I can get a nice telegram from the Queen (but it will probably be a text or e mail by then) Another 47 years of this.........stroll on!!

Size matters

Flipping quick day today as kept busy. Tension high though as rumours of another company opening in the area. Trouble with that is a reduction of folk coming into our office. Some of the big companies are real bullies and it is like Monopoly to them, buying property left right and in the middle! It happened to my dad and his dad when they ran a Funeral Company in the town. They were doing really well until a big company moved in offering stamps with every Funeral.... it destroyed the family business. The small companies don't stand a chance, and yet they have the time to give a more friendly and precise service. I have worked for a big company (2 in fact) and I know what goes on behind the scenes when they take to much on. Small really is better.

Mite mite not

Its strange not having any Bands to play in this month as all are taking a break. I am going to see a superb Trombone player next week though playing in concert. He has asked me to take my bone along and play a few jazz numbers with him. Ha, I don't do jazz ,so that is a no no straight away ,although saying that I would love to have a go, but this guy is such an awesome player. However I am not ashamed I am not having a go ,as I have done it with another Band and the thing I learned the most was....don't do it again. Whilst those chaps were probably not the best readers, their jazz was phenomenal. The sax player shouted a title over to me ,that must have been written 50 years before I was born, but it was a standard to him. So I think I played the same note 500 times just to get to the end of the piece.I did not stand a chance lol.
Now the caged bird has gone there is no dust in the house, which means I can go back to dusting once a year instead of every week...luxury. Having got rid of one animal I was adopted by another last night. One of the neighbours cats wandered in and jumped on my knee. It was a bit surprising as I was eating my tea off it at the time. Still I let him sit their whilst I stroked him, feeling like Blowfeld out of the Bond movies. 'Do you expect me talk' No I expect you to eat your tea Mr Bond!