Homeless

I would like to make a job's worth award today.
If a person is Cremated then once the ashes have been cooled, they are placed in a Bio Degradable box and labeled with the persons name and Undertakers who will collect.
A new rule has come into force at a local Crematorium. You must give the name of the person who's ash's you are collecting. Fair enough...but.
I was sent to collect one box of ashes this afternoon. Taken into the sacred bowels of the Crematorium , I went to collect the said remains. however, I also noticed that we had another box of Ashe's to collect. So, whilst I was there I asked if I could sign for them as well.
You would have thought I had made some obscene suggestion concerning my Genitals and a sheep!!! No chance , replied the attendant you only gave one name? Yes I know, I replied, but look those are ours as well!!! It's got our name on it!!!
No, replied the attendant, I could not possibly give you those. All you can do is go back out to reception. Ring the bell again, and ask for the name of these ashes!!!!!!!!
Did I? Did I buggery. The worlds going mad.

The Muppet award today, I award to myself.
I left my house keys at work. I did not realise until I pulled into my street. But no problem, I thought, cos I have 3 neighbours with spare keys, and they are always in!!!!
An hour later I was still stood outside my house. All of them were blinking well out. My frozen chicken legs had thawed and my lettuce had wilted!!! and I wont mention the food I had bought!

Give a thought for the bloke, who this week, for a bet. Drank a Litre of Vodka in a few seconds.......Of course he is dead...but he did win the bet.

Load of bull.

The best road in Birmingham, is the one going out. Only I could not find the road going out, nor the Mortuary going in. Strange that they do not have a neon sign with flashing bulbs pointing to the place of permanent repose? It took me 40 mins to find it and a further 20 minutes to organise a fax to release the little mites mortal remains.
On the way back the Sat Nav threw a wobbler and packed in, so I ended up on the M6 and in the opposite direction to where I wanted. I did not have a pee for 5 hours, because I dare not stop in case someone pinched my car with the coffin inside??
To be honest though, I did enjoy the break from every day normality and I even forgot about my poor crusty lip which is as sore as buggery.

I had a mad moment last night and purchased a soundtrack from the USA. Only 3000 were recorded, so I am looking on it as an investment. The reason I wanted it was simple. On it is Moonlight Serenade, but instead of the lead being taken on Clarinet, it is played on Trombone!!!
I hope I can get back to playing this weekend as I am really missing it.

Gone to the Ball

Having poked a large metal hook under my tooth. The Dentist remarked 'Oh it's bleeding'. Well yes, because you stuck that pointy thing in it??? Looks like it may be an infected root after all and a) Might have to be root filled 2) Might have to be pulled out or D) Both...???

So there you go. I now have a 3 week wait until the next appointment, where they will remove the temporary filling from the tooth that is not infected and maybe drill the one that is. I ain't in pain much now so I can live with that. I also thought I might be able to play tonight as my mouth has not been numbed. But thanks to losing sleep and other things, I now have a juicy cold sore. Actually I am trying to handle this with humour, Whilst very un comfy in the gob department, I have had worse things.

I am now reading a book about the Tomb of Jesus (Marilyn Monroe to Religion??? what next.) and all the scientific tests that have been done. Tell you what. Even after a wobbly life, I still have great faith. I mean, I go to church every day (sometimes more than once) I say the Lords Prayer every day. I even throw in 3 Hail Mary's and 10 push ups just to be on the safe side. So if I get to the end of this book and it contradicts the whole of the World's history...then ......... well....... I still wont believe it.

On a sad note. The Big Band world has lost another member to the Great Orchestra in the Sky.
A well known local female vocalist passed away this weekend. She was a fine fine singer and will be sadly missed. She had sang with the majority of Big Bands in the Midlands, including ours and has bought pleasure to many many people. Bless her.

In and Out

'Trombone player required must be good sight reader. Position available immediately'


This was an advert I read yesterday in 'The Stage' newspaper.

I have applied, but think I might be a tad to late, as it is dated 1947 and I picked it up at an antiques fair??


I realise now, that the filling they have put in is only temporary and contained some form of antiseptic that numbs the gum. It has worked as the pain has gone from 'Screaming' to 'Tickling'

So Tomorrow, they will drill it out and then drill the one that is causing probs so I have had to cancel my Tuesday night blow as well!


I have really missed playing this weekend, but have caught up on some reading. Having got to the end of the Marylin Monroe book, I have no doubt that the poor girl was murdered and the whole thing was covered up by the FBI and Presidential Security. I am sure that if her body were to be exhumed, the truth would be found out, using modern day forensics.



Many years ago I started a guest vocal evening night, with the Band. Thankfully this has come to a natural end. Although it gave people a chance to fulfill an ambition to sing with a 17 piece Band, it was bloody stressful to front and organise, especially when the singers realised that it was harder than singing in the Bath and lost their words etc. Mind you it did get 'bums' on seats and no other Band had the courage to do it, so we pushed the boundaries there.

I may have to go all the way to Birmingham to do a removal this week. I will probably use my own car which gives you some sort of clue?

Bird's eye.

Clutching a bag of frozen peas held firmly to my jaw, I settled down to watch a DVD called 'Swing' last night. It was about a guy who had just come out of prison and wanted to start a swing Band. It was off putting that they had Alexis Sayle as a Trumpet player, but to be fair, he did not make to bad a job of it. You can quite clearly hear a Trombone in the soundtrack, but none to be seen on the screen. The other off putting thing, was it had Dutch subtitles which took me half the film to figure out how to switch them off? Not a bad film though and with Lisa Stansfield on vocals it was like a watered down version of the Blues Brothers.
Managed to get some kip last night but I still feel extremely anxious inside. I am trying to distract my thoughts as I don't want to go backwards into that awful awful void. Well on the positive side. at least my peas have defrosted for today's dinner??
The photo above is of the Regimental Big Band and was probably one of the last photo's taken before I left for civvy street

Ice Cream

After numerous x rays of my cake hole only a small shadow was found. So the Dentist said he would remove my old filling and put another in. Being injected took away the pain, but it wasn't until it wore off that I realised it was the wrong tooth he had drilled. By 8pm I was crawling the walls with pain. The only thing that would take the pain away for a minute was strangely cold water? Hot drinks made me hit the roof. I can take the pain, but I can't take losing the sleep as it was sending me back to the old grim days when I was really bad. To be honest, when I am awake I think too deeply and made myself anxious because I don't want lose my ability to play. It would seem that I have inflammation of the root that is in one of the teeth and I have to go back Tuesday for more drilling or maybe extraction so it has panicked me somewhat, to say the least..I mean they don't even know what tooth is causing the probs??? I am angry with myself that I have had to drop out of this weekends playing but it would be silly to try and blow at this time and it would be a double whammy as I would be more angry with myself for fluffing notes etc. I did manage to get out today and have figured that if I drink coffee through a straw then it bypasses the bad side of my mouth. I got some strange looks but I did not care and would have leaped over a table if someone had commented and had a go (yes bear, sore, head). Another of life's challenges me thinks, but had my fill (no pun intended) now.

Red hot poker

I make no apologies that this is a miserable post cos that's how i feel at this time. At 2am this morning I woke with excruciating toothache and that was it for the rest of the night. I have never known pain like it and not sleeping made the day even greyer and cold that it was. I rang for an emergency appointment, of which I about to go on. They suggested to take the pain away to take pain killers. I took one and of course if you have a dodgy tum, then this affects it as well. As you can tell I am not an happy teddy at this time. IF they don't sort the problem out then I am in for one hell of a painful weekend.
Flipping fed up.