It's a girl

After posting a picture of my mystery spider brooch yesterday, I am pleased to say, that a large retail outlet have show interest in it's value.
Poundland rang me this morning, but I turned their kind offer down?

Walking round town today, I noticed how many women now have short tops showing there jewel encrusted belly buttons.
I think I might do the same and show my naveled hernia, as that sometimes glows red as well!

Hooray, I have my Trombone back and an excellent job was made by the instrument doctor. You can't even see where the cannula has been. Top Job.

Doing some financial admin last night, I suddenly realised that 2 weeks wages had not been paid into the Bank.
Went and queued this morning, only to be told that they would have to investigate Monday. The 2 cheques had been with them since the Royal Wedding day and have disappeared between the quick pay box and the 4 feet walk to behind the counter!!!!
They said sorry.
I said, I can't spend that!!!

Heard from the nice Hedgehog lady today and have copied her lovely e mail below

Your female Hoggie is doing very well the antibiotics are working and the wound is healing nicely.

She is eating and drinking very well and I am hoping to release her once she has completed the antibiotics in around another 5 days..

Thank you for taking the time to call for help for her as alot of people would not have bothered.

Without your action she would of most certainly have died, as the wound would have become infected and she would of suffered until death.

So you can honestly say you saved her life and she will be on her travels very soon hopefully to breed as they are in such decline..

I will mark her with a colour and watch the cctv in case she decides to return for food and water anytime in the future. I will of course let you know!!

My sincere thanks to you


No My sincere thanks to her.

It's a Boy

While my Trombone is in Hospital ,I have been pacing up and down all night, getting through packs and packs of cigarettes.

I am pleased to announce ,that the bone came through the operation successfully and will be back home on Saturday. They have even left the pencil marks on my slide ,so I still know where all the positions are!!

I have been searching on line to see if I can find any information on this 1920s piece of costume jewellery I have bought. (see above)

Nothing like it can be found, so I am pretty pleased with my purchase and framing attempt. Who knows it might even be rare.

I don't know why, but I seem to be snacking late at night just lately?
I figured that if we were not meant to eat at night, then they would not have put a light in my fridge?

Thunderbirds

There are some real nice people out there.

I took my squatter of a Hedgehog on a 5 mile journey to a rescue centre.

I had to drive with the windows open as he/she had done a few massive poo's in the cardboard box and was already up and wolfing down more dog food.

When I got to the house, the lady was waiting with an emergency incubator!!!

She examined my prickly friend! and determined that it was a 2 year old female with a damaged eye, had been pecked at by birds and had an infection. She had a syringe with antibiotics at the ready.

In the garden, was a shed, that had heating and light and cameras.

She could observe the hedgehogs on the tv in her house. She had 13 she had released back into the wild, but they kept coming back to feed and sleep.

I was very impressed and also touched by her compassion and just know that the little girl I looked after is safe in her hands.

I figure we were in the right pace at the right time and was meant to help her.

Nice!!

My Trombone goes into hospital tonight for dent removal. That means I can't practice arghhhhh!!

I was also rang by the local radio again today, asking if I would go on air to comment about a text I had sent in reply to a feature they had done.

It concerned a new University Course to obtain an MA in.....Horror.

I texted, that you often see an ad in the job section of the local paper for a Vincent Price apprentice.......what a waste of time, just to keep the unemployment figures down? As loads of spotty teenagers will apply, walk out with a degree and straight onto the dole!!!

Did you know that an anagram of Osama Bin Laden is

Lob Man in Da Sea!!!

Spooky?

Spanish

I am sure that there is some sort of saying ,that infers ,that if you do good deeds in life, that you will be rewarded in the future?

So how come, that driving back from the take away last night with my girlfriend, we found an injured Hedgehog.

Very smelly and covered with fleas (The Hedgehog, not my girlfriend) I chased it round the close with neighbours curtains twitching.

I managed to grab it and noticed it had been mauled by some other animal. Some of the neighbours came out and said it had been wandering around for a couple of days (then why didn't they do something about it grrrr)

Taking it into my house and my takeaway now stone cold, I rang the Hedgehog rescue line????

Because I was rushing out to play in the Band, I could not get it to them ,so they advised me to get it a hot water bottle and feed it on dog food!!! and keep an eye on it overnight.

I have neither of these things in my house, so whilst my partner went to the shop[ (she had eaten her tea) I fashioned a hot water bottle out of an old plastic container and filled it with warm water. ( I also can make a Tracey Island out of sticky back plastic)
I left it a tasty bowl of Pedigree Chum and some water and legged it to Band.

So my reward was..........my new Trombone, falling off it's stand during the Concert, and getting a massive dent in the pipe work!!!!

Arriving home I rang my partner and she asked how my prickly lodger was.

Bad news I am afraid.

Oh no is he dead, she asked,

No, bad news that my Trombone has been damaged!!!

The Hedgehog is alive and well and eating the mutty morsels as if there was no tomorrow.

So at midnight, I refilled 'Spikeys' (yes I have named him) hot water bottle and replenished his doggy treats.

Having had a bad night worrying about the poor mite, I opened the porch door with trepidation this morning?

I was hit by an awful smell as I looked into the box

The hedgehog had taken the blanket I had put in for him and wrapped himself up cosy like, with just his nose sticking out, he had also taken the food and water dishes in his little tent and devoured the lot!!!!

I feel quite maternal now? But I still have a bloody dented Trombone????

When I got home from work, my partner rang me again.
How's things she asked.
Bad news I am afraid.
Is it dead she tremor ed.
No but my bloody Trombone is bent.
Tsk priorities!!!

So off to the rescue centre tonight.

Knowing the way things are going though, I will probably crash the car!!!

Bermondsey

No one at work, could believe, that I played to an empty room this weekend? It's a good job I had a photo to prove it, as they thought I was making it up? (see left)

I sprang out of bed ,keen and ready for work this morning....... nope I am telling fibs.

I hit the snooze button for the tenth time ( I set my alarm for 4am ,so I convince myself I have another 3 hours in bed!!!) From sunshine and meals out, to the mortuary and strange sights and smells, which one would you prefer.

Was very shocked to hear, that a cast member in the last show I played in, had passed away? He also was an undertaker and I shook hands with him, as always and he seemed fit and well?

Another reason to finish work and retire as early as I can, as the wake up calls I see every day, are shocking now!

I am reading a book for the second time called 'Don't drop the coffin' A brilliant book and will certainly give you a great insight into the mysterious world of the Funeral Trade.

Of course the undertaking jokes are coming thick and fast connected to the weekends news.
What's the Difference between Henry Cooper and Bin Laden?
Our Henry took 12 rounds before going down!!

Blanket

I would like to talk about something very personal.

I would like to talk about something ,that I have, that gets longer when I play with it.....

I would like to talk about...my Trombone slide?

Had a nice message from a friend, who now lives in Germany and has reminded me of something I did with my slide in the 90s whilst in the Army.

We used to do a great Miltary Band number called 'Lassus trombone'. We got to wander around the audiences and I used to be a bit of a devil as to where I slid my slide.

On one occasion, my friend reminds me, it went between a nice German ladies cleavage, much to the delight of her husband and family. Apart from putting her into shock and having to receive counselling, it made an impression on her son? who went onto play Trombone!!! and a Yamaha Trombone to boot as it was the same model I played on. Unfortunately his Mum never recovered.

This also jogged my memory ,back to about 10 years ago when I was playing with a small Dance Band in a pub. A lady had been chain smoking all night very close to where I sat. She insisted in holding her fag with a raised arm above her shoulder. The smoke had drifted into my face for most of the concert and I was well fed up.

So I took careful aim with the end of my slide and knocked the end off her ciggie.

Unfortunately the burning ember fell onto her new skirt and burnt it, much to the annoyance of her and the anger of her husband.

I managed to bluff my way out of it, explaining how difficult it was to control a Trombone slide and managed to get away with it, without getting beat up!!!

Actually I would like a pound for every time my slide has been between a ladies bussoms. Or if not a pound, a small camera on the end?

Been to a medieval market today and then an antique fair, where, for some unknown reason I haggled to buy a jewel encrusted spider? I have no idea why ,only that it is unusual and I have plans to mount it? and make a feature?

Maybe I am starting to get in touch with my feminine side?? very worrying.

Great success for the USA special Forces in disposing of Bin Laden.

The Irish SAS are extremely unhappy, as they had been staking out a local branch of Debenhams for a month. They had spotted sign, but had apparently misread it.

It actually said 'Bed Linen here'

Ok it's old, but it's worth exhuming!!

The Shining

Something happened last night, that has never happened in my time as a musician and probably will never happen again.
I turned up to play lead bone with a Band I had never played with before.
It was a Concert for 'Help the Heroes' and the pub had hosted a Fun day at the pub a few hours before. The landlord came in and said their had been loads of interest and their should be a large audience.
The Concert started at 7.50pm and I counted the people in the audience who had turned out, for such a great cause. This took me approximately 1 second, as the total was nil.
I also did an audience count after an hour of hard blowing. The total remained the same!!!
The Band went off to the bar for a drink in the interval and my heart sank as I realised they were going to come back and do the full hour second set to an empty room!!!!
Luckily the Landlord came over and said 'You might as well go home lads'
This I did.
I had also waived my fee for the night, as it was for charity...but the charity got nothing?
To be fair, the Band were relatively new and only been going for about 6 years. They were all keen and happy and just in it for the beer and blow (now where have I heard that before?) and all the best to them for that.
But how sad that no one came out to support the cause?
I have to relate a funny incident though.
I had heard a very loud whistling, like a feedback sound all the way through the first (last) half. I remarked about this to another musician. He laughed and told me it was an instrumentalists deaf aid...everyone could hear the noise except him????
I was expecting a guy with a microphone and camera, to come out from 'You've been nobbled'
But no, it was all for real????