Admit One

I would like to think, that if I dropped a boll*ck. that I would put my hand up and admit to it. Unlike the gentleman last night who forgot to stand up for his solo after mine and played in the wrong place. However as my radar is forever scanning, i heard him say to the Band Leader that it was my fault. On getting a second opinion form other musicians they all knew it was his fault, but he did not have the bottle to admit to it. I hope that when i get to the age that he is (if) I will still have my integrity intact.

Standards

Out for a meal last night to celebrate my partners Birthday. For saying I had lack of kip, I had a really nice night and great meal. At work today we did a member of the Emergency services Funeral. he was only in his 50s and died of Cancer. Which brings me on to a celebrity that is in the news at the moment and is doing as many interviews etc to get money for her children. Whilst I have sympathy for the girls condition I do not think it is right that millions will be made from someone who was famous (sic!) for 5 minutes on the telly. Especially with the history involved etc. This guy has family who I am sure could do with more money and he put his life at risk to rescue people. I am incensed by it all, and my work colleagues agree as I am sure others do but are too scared to voice it in this PC world.

Blind Date

I should have gone to a rehearsal last night but after the week I had ,I needed a night in to try and recharge. I felt a lot better about myself when i had a text from another member of the Band who missed the rehearsal because he fell asleep on the sofa after a particularly trying Day!!! He can sleep for England as well. I say that I decided to be kind to myself, but I did look at the next show pad which is a doddle compared to the last one. Back to work today and there was none. Another thing that is on my mind is the possibility of no job. If no work comes in, no wages can come out. If I can keep my mind occupied I am am ok, but if there is no work what do you do? As we come to the spring and summer work drops off anyway and seeing as I am last in (not really as a member of the family came in to the business) I will be first out. Mind you I would face the challenge and do my best to get something else as quick as possible. Maybe I will become a male escort for short sighted women. Now theirs a thought!

Van Winkle Not

My week has been completely spoilt because of the ever recurring sleep problems. If I average it out I have slept 3 hours every night, but it is the ever present anxiety and hatred of it that makes it worse. I know there are millions of us that have this but it gets more frightening every time. On the Friday night I was exhausted but still only got to 3am before being wide awake. the thought of doing 2 shows the next day seemed impossible (as it always does) but I survived. I need now to pursue every avenue I can to get rid of this thing. It is such a deep seated problem that things like Aromatherapy and herbal wont touch it so I need to delve deeper me thinks.

Fight the Fear

So last night I had a whopping 5 hours sleep. I decided at 5.30am that I was going to go on a 2-3 mile walk whatever the weather. I did and as always exercises is the answer. Although on my help web site I recommend this, it is not always easy when you haven't slept for a while. your body and mind is screaming for rest so it is the last thing you feel you need to do...only it is the first thing you should do. Tonight's show call went great and really enjoyed it it is always the same, come the middle of the week i want it to go on forever. Once I realise I am not going to make a complete prat of myself, it all comes together. Now if only I could accept this at the start of show week? I have just received the pad for the next show I am doing, but I can't be ar*ed to look at it until I have finished this one. Again it is one I have not done before. Actually it shows you how inexperienced I am when the Bass player of the show says he did 14 shows last year!!!! Wow how can you not fail to get into the groove when you do that many?
Whatever happens, i would not change a thing no matter how bad I get. It has to be fought and although I may not win, I will not let it, beat me.
I cant believe that a year has passed since I lost someone I can only describe as my second Father. I tell people at Funerals that time heals. Unfortunately the healing process can take a long long time. He was a very very good man and I miss him dearly and I would give anything to get him back for my partner.

Billy Cotton

Ok so I am a born worrier. When I snuff it, there is bound to be someone who say's 'eeeh it was worry that killed him' and probably they will be right. Again my sleep is absolutely minimal. I don't even know what I am worrying about. Ok the show is a little bit edge of the seat stuff in places, but i haven't dropped any major b***cks. However for the last few nights I have been going to bed at midnight, only to be wide awake at 3am and that is it for the night. I am off work, so i thought that maybe some sofa time would help....as I shut my eyes a neighbour rang my doorbell. neighbours never ring my doorbell, but oh no she had to pick the time that I was just drifting off. I could not be arsed to get up and see what she wanted. Did I get any kip...nope....will i get any tonight...probably not, But you know what ,I am still going. On reserve, but still going. Insomnia has been the curse of my life, and i don't think i will ever be free of it. I would swap 6 numbers on the lottery to be free and get a good nights sleep.......dream on, only I can't. Oh well, at least I get a longer day than everyone else.

Von Trapp

Up early to go to show rehearsal. Only 7 in the orchestra, so quite a blow and it seems they had all done the show before. So after not blinking for 2 hours I got through it. I don't do headaches but tonight my brain was pounding through my ears during the Royal Oak Concerts. It was great then to get a lift from a fellow musician allowing me to have a beer or two for medicinal purposes. the pounding head did not recede but I didn't give a hoot after 2 pints of Stella whey hey. Going into work Monday to do one Funeral of a real nice man and musician .Such a loss.